Thursday, May 29, 2014

Diary of Knocked Up Workout

Forty pounds.  FORTY POUNDS.  That's what I have gained with every single pregnancy.  I've worked out, but not intensely, with every pregnancy and still gain 40 lbs.  This time around I vow to gain only 39.  What can I say? I have lofty goals.

With my new lofty goal of gaining only 39 lbs, I have a very detailed plan.  It goes like this...

Get my booty up at 5:00am at least two days a week, and follow an 80% clean diet.  Here's what life really looks like on workout days.

5:05am       Alarm goes off
5:05:01am  Tap Snooze
5:15am       Alarm goes off again
5:15:01am  Wonder...Is this really worth it.  I need sleep.  NO!  Get up.  You do not want to get fat. (Repeat convo in my head multiple times)
5:18am       Roll out of bed, get dressed, put on deoderant, brush teeth, basically mad dash it for the door.
5:31am       Take the Walk of Shame into class.  I'm late...AGAIN...and I live in the hood!
5:32am       Start sucking wind for the next 43 minutes.  Wonder about my own sanity.  Upchuck. Suck some more wind.  Try to breath.  Whine.  Grunt.  It's not pretty folks.
6:15am       Marvel that I did it again.  Feel energized for the entire day and realize I'm one step closer to that 39 lbs weight gain.   What? What?

Now the only thing I need is a picture of me post workout.  Or a picture of me during a workout.  Better yet!  A video of me grunting during a workout.  You all totally need to see that.  You will be rolling for sure!  I'll be sure to get on that.

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