Forty pounds. FORTY POUNDS. That's what I have gained with every single pregnancy. I've worked out, but not intensely, with every pregnancy and still gain 40 lbs. This time around I vow to gain only 39. What can I say? I have lofty goals.
With my new lofty goal of gaining only 39 lbs, I have a very detailed plan. It goes like this...
Get my booty up at 5:00am at least two days a week, and follow an 80% clean diet. Here's what life really looks like on workout days.
5:05am Alarm goes off
5:05:01am Tap Snooze
5:15am Alarm goes off again
5:15:01am Wonder...Is this really worth it. I need sleep. NO! Get up. You do not want to get fat. (Repeat convo in my head multiple times)
5:18am Roll out of bed, get dressed, put on deoderant, brush teeth, basically mad dash it for the door.
5:31am Take the Walk of Shame into class. I'm late...AGAIN...and I live in the hood!
5:32am Start sucking wind for the next 43 minutes. Wonder about my own sanity. Upchuck. Suck some more wind. Try to breath. Whine. Grunt. It's not pretty folks.
6:15am Marvel that I did it again. Feel energized for the entire day and realize I'm one step closer to that 39 lbs weight gain. What? What?
Now the only thing I need is a picture of me post workout. Or a picture of me during a workout. Better yet! A video of me grunting during a workout. You all totally need to see that. You will be rolling for sure! I'll be sure to get on that.