Thursday, January 12, 2012

Ginormous Pads

You know, I was just trying to be a thoughtful wife.  I made a list of all the items we would need as soon as we come home from the hospital.  Items for me and items for baby. 

If you've ever had a baby, you know what 'items for me' entail.  Pads.  Lots of pads.  Ginormous pads.  Long in length, wings for the sides, and super duper absorbency.  I realize if you've never had a baby or you're a man (If you are a man, why are you reading this blog anyway?), this is probably more information than you ever wanted to know.  However, it's a reality.  You need pads after having a baby.  You need pads for a very long time.

So back to my story at hand.  I was trying to spare Steven from the embarrassment of buying pads for me after we return from the hospital.  I was thinking ahead and I had coupons.  I strategically made my trip to Target yesterday at a non-peak time.  I can't remember the last time my Target was crowded at a 10am on Wednesday.  Nonetheless, it was.  Oh well, I already had my list, my coupons, Chunky Monkey, and Little Miss loaded up.  We were going shopping.

The first aisle in my shopping path was the pads aisle.  Wonderful.  I could stack all my other stuff on top of the  jumbo packs.  After all, buying pads isn't exactly something you want to advertise to the world.  Especially when the packages look like this...
Except I was buying two packages of pads that contained 45 pads/package.  Yes, they were huge.  It wasn't going to be easy to conceal these monstrosities, but I was going to do it.  Until...

Two little stinkers happened.  In my perfect world, I would have sat them down in the cart and went about my shopping.  However, I didn't factor in Chunky Monkey and Little Miss using them as pillows to carry out their epic pillow fight.  I'm pretty sure the words, "Quit hitting your cousin over the head with my pads" came out of my mouth.  AND, I'm also pretty sure the lady five aisles over heard me as well. 

My humiliation wasn't even close to being over.  As I was checking out, I handed over my Buy 1, Get 1 Free coupon I had for the pads.  I was trying to hand it to the cashier right when she scanned the item so she wouldn't have to go back and look at the price.  Apparently, I threw her off her game.  As I handed the coupon over, I said, "Ma'am, I have a coupon for that item you just scanned that will need a price written down."

"I'm sorry.  What item was that for?"

Looking back at the line of 3 people behind me, I discreetly whispered, "The pads."

"I didn't hear you.  Could you speak up, please?"

Repeating just a little louder, "The pads."

(In almost a yell)  "Did you say the pads?"

Covering my face with my hands, I answered, "Yes, the pads."

Really???  Complete embarrassment.  Thankfully, the rest of my items checked out well and my pads, kids, and I were able to make it out the door.  All of us are safely at home.  The pads are tucked neatly away in the bathroom where they will remain until this baby is born.  But, if for some reason I didn't purchase enough, it's going to be Steven's turn...and I'll be sending him in with coupons.  He'll appreciate that for sure!

Next up on my shopping list...breast pads.  Pads, pads, pads.  I just can't get enough of them!


Sarah @w30 said...

Bwahahahahahaha ... can't breathe I'm laughing so hard! That is epic!

Ashley said...

The hospital pads are THE best. I just tell myself that everyone has had a baby and knows the after effects to keep myself from being embarrased.

Alice said...

don't forget the mesh panties!! I stole about 10 pairs of those suckers from the hospital! haha! oh the things we go thru for children!!

casadechesser said...

ROFL!!! This totally happened to me, Owen kept throwing them out of the cart and onto the floor. I was red with embarassment as he continued to do it throughout the store! I have yet to buy the Colace...I don't know why buying this stuff embarasses me so much but it does & glad to know I'm not the only one :)

jesse {GoodGirlGoneGlad} said...

OH gosh! Why when you have to buy items like that do things like that happen!? Today in Target Jude asked out checker if she was a boy or girl. Then proceeded to tell her that she sounded like a boy! Geez! He did apologize after that, but man!

the Pulleys said...

I couldn't have written this entire post better myself! Well said! Haha!!! The things we do...for sure. : ) Here's to super-absorbency in the months to come for you!

JulieBGreen said...

Oh the giant pads, I certainly don't miss that. Just ask for more with each nurses aid you get at the hospital and hopefully you won't have to buy more :).