It's a Choice

This blog post was intended to post Tuesday, January 18th, but since  my brain is half on today it got posted early...oops!!!

I've got a little story for you today of no one in particular.  A little story of Donny and Debby.  Donny loved Debby. Debby loved Donny.  Donny and Debby got married, and because they got married they lived the rest of their life in pure bliss.  The End

Good story, right?  Maybe a little unrealistic, but a good story.  It would be nice if all of our marriages simply ended in pure bliss, but marriages are work.  Hard work that is often overlooked because in the beginning you are soooo 'in love' with each other.  You couldn't really imagine a time when you wouldn't want to serve the person you married.  A time where they consumed your every thought.  You just couldn't get enough of them.  Then a couple of years pass you by, maybe even decades, and you become all too familiar with their annoying qualities.  You long for some alone time.  Let's get real.  All marriages have ups and downs, but it's how you handle the downs that impact your marriage the most.

Recently, my church began new series called "I Want a New Marriage".  Steven and I attended the first part of the series this past Saturday night.  We were so surprised to see how packed the church was that evening.  Church on the Move does some pretty awesome stuff, but this was unreal.  Then I started thinking about how many people I knew who either had a very difficult time in their marriage, or they are currently struggling to hold onto their marriage.  Then I wasn't so surprised.  So many people are just searching for answers on how to strengthen their marriages.

As I sat there listening to the message I remembered the best advice I ever received about marriage.  When Steven and I were attending our marriage counseling sessions we were feeling good.  We had just received our compatibility test back and out of all the areas, we only had one part that had a 'somewhat of a concern'.  All the others areas they tested us on landed in the 'Not a Concern' category.  Obviously, we would have a perfect marriage.  After all we nailed the test.  That has to count for something.  I thought we'd be done with the sessions after that, but we weren't.  Week after week, we came and discussed expectations, conflict/resolution skills, daily routines and how we would handle them, etc.  All areas that are super important to discuss before getting married.  However, the best piece of advice came at the tail end of the sessions.  The pastor told us that if we realized love is a choice and not a feeling, then we would be on the right track. 

At the time, I couldn't really comprehend the enormity of what he was trying to convey to us.  There would be a time where I wouldn't have this 'in love' feeling?  Incomprehensible!  However, it happened.  Don't get me wrong.  I love Steven on such a deeper level now, but I can stand to be away from him while he works.  When we were first married, I couldn't wait to get home from work so I could hear about his day and just be near him.  I still look forward to him coming home from work, but let's be honest...someone needs to help wrangle the kids to the dinner table while I'm cooking!  The point is, that mushy-gushy feeling soon got replaced with reality.  I'm thankful we've arrived at the point where we've had to choose to love each other.  It's made us stronger.

Even though I can't say Steven and I have ever questioned our commitment to each other, we've definitely had our share of 'discussions'.  We've become extremely familiar to each other's irritating qualities and ugly sides, but when it comes down to it I've made the decision that I will choose to love him in those moments.  I will choose to love him even if my heart isn't really feeling it during a disagreement.  If my brain makes the choice of what to do, my heart is going to follow.  Making this choice reminds me that if I'm choosing to love him, I won't say or do something that I'll regret after the storm passes.  It's how we handle the down times that makes our up times so much better.

If you live in the Tulsa, OK area, I really encourage you to attend the last couple of "I Want a New Marriage" messages.  Whether you're single, married, divorced, going through a divorce Pastor George gives us all such great tips on how to better our lives.  Here's a link to from a  clip about our first lesson...

I Want a New Marriage