Monday, August 4, 2014

And The Flood Gates Opened...

This is not a 'please send compliments my way' post.  Just some real feelings that were stinky.  If it happens to me, maybe it's happened to you.  I hope you can find some encouragement from my stinky feelings.  At the very least, you are NOT alone!

It's been 23 weeks this baby has been growing with me.  She is moving and more active everyday.  This last experience of life in me has been amazing and I truly appreciate it.  So when I found myself all emotional over the way clothing fits, I was totally taken back.

Generally speaking, I am not a super emotional person.  I can contain tears on most issues.  I have never ever cried about my weight as an adult.  There are times I dislike parts of my body.  There are things I work to change and things I want to change that diet and exercise can't fix.  Like those nasty spider veins!  They drive me nuts.  My right leg could seriously be mistaken for a 90 year old woman.
 {See what I mean??? I'm kidding. Not my real leg, but close!}

Not the point.  The point is, I don't obsess over my body.  It's my shell.  I try to take care of it, but my identity is not wrapped up in it.

Again, this is why I was SO caught off guard.

Yesterday, I went to put on my usual workout shorts and t-shirt (you know, my Mom Uniform), and I had to double check that I didn't have on biker shorts.

What. The. Heck???

They were my go-to, most favorite, well-loved Lulu shorts.  Now they will work great if I were going on a long bike ride.  We're talking suction cup fit!


The tears were flowing over clothing.  I went to put on another pair of shorts.  Too tight.  At this point I flopped on the bed and cried like a big baby.  I wasn't even sure why.  So I cried some more for crying over such a trivial issue.

Here's my thoughts on the issue...

After having Micah, I thought we were finished with our family.  I worked hard in diet and exercise to get back to the shape I wanted.  I don't think I have ever been in that great of shape.  Life was great physically.

During this pregnancy, I have worked out hard and fairly diligently.  I am way more conscience of my eating and feel great.  However, I am at the point where I pack on the weight.  In my mind, it is disheartening.  This leads to the crying event.

My poor husband walks in and finds me a complete mess.  I'm sure he thought something tragic happened.  I never cry like that.  When he found out why I was crying, I'm sure he was ready to check me into the looney bin.  I was ready to check myself in.

The reason why I share this with you is because I know I'm not alone here.  We all have times where we feel less than us.  It's a lie.  We are never less than us.  We are more.  We are greater with Him.  With my stinky, no good, feeling sorry for myself attitude, I had some decisions to make.

First off, I need to purchase some clothes to get me over the hump.  I've been struggling with spending money on clothing I will wear for only a few months.  Instead, I have to realize I'm investing in minimizing frustration and then using those clothes to bless someone else later.

Secondly, I needed a reminder of what God says about me.  Despite the frustration of a changing body God has some very specific things to say about me.  None of which have anything to do with whether or not I fit in my Lulu shorts.  In fact He says I am completely whole physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Not because of what I have done, but because of what Christ has done for me.  Good reminder.

And lastly, there are some choices I am making that would result in smaller thighs and butt.  It's called, "Don't eat the cookies late at night."  Somehow, I hold it together all day with great eating and then, every once in a while, cookies come running to me with their great friend milk.   That needs to stop.  Nothing is wrong with cookies and milk every once in a while, but obviously it's causing some issues with how I see myself.  If my mental state is affected by my food choices, then I really need to evaluate what's important.

So there's my crazy for today!  Feel free to run from me in public.  My issues may rub off on you!

Seriously, though.  Thanks for listening.  This is totally my therapy zone to process my issues...for the world to read...

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