Thursday, April 17, 2014

TBT: A Mom's Take on Clubbing

UPDATE:  For the longest time I thought TBT meant Truth Be Told.  I have far surpassed the coolness factor of knowing what ultra hip acronyms are to little whipper snappers, but thankfully they pass grace on me.  TBT really stands for Throwback Thursday.  Which 'technically' isn't an acronym, but I can let some things slide.  Sooooo, in honor of TBT, I have an old blog post circa 2011 for you.  It does contain a lot of 'truth be tolds'  too.

In high school and college I loved to go dancing.  So. Much. Fun.  Nothing has really changed about loving to dance, except my jiggly tummy, cottage cheese thighs, and two kids.  I may love to dance, but I sure don't fit the club scene any longer (I never really did).  However, against our better judgement, my family (Steven, Rene, Lindsay, and I) decided to forgo snow tubing and hit the Power & Light District of Kansas City. 

Since we N.E.V.E.R go out like this I had to improvise my wardrobe.  Really improvise.  Earlier that day I had purchased a $6 shirt on sale at The Gap.  I bought it to layer it with a tank and my black leggings.  However, I didn't have my black tank there, BUT I did have my black pajama tank.  Problem solved!  Add it with my skinny jeans and I was good to go.  I'll even show you a pic of my $6 shirt over my pj shirt.  Before we left Lindsay and I had to practice our going-out faces...

{See that thin little black line? Yep, pj tank!}

To tell my story of our short lived night, I think I'll give it to you in characters/setting/event format. 

Tatted Up Doorman
Drunk College Girl #1
Drunk College Girl #2
Big Sista
Girl KU Fan #1
Girl KU Fan #2
Girl KU Fan #3

Scene 1:
Entry to Tengo 9:30pm

Lindsay:  Excuse me, Tatted Up Doorman?  My husband left his ID at home, but his identical twin brother is here with his ID.  Will he be able to get in?

Tatted Up Doorman: What the @#$&%$?  You guys are some big ^**$%$%  @#%#%#!!!  Come on in and I got the cover charge for all of you.

End Scene

Lesson Learned: Being a twin can save you $20!  Good times.  Best part.  The twenty somethings in their barely there mini skirts had to pay to get in.  Hee hee.  I really think it was my pj tank that got him.

Scene 2:
Inside Tengo 9:35pm

(As soon as we get into Tengo, Lindsay and I are approached by two young college girls.  They were there for the Big 12 Championship basketball games.  They were cute as could be, but as cute as they were they were also very inebriated.)

Drunk College Girl #1: (continuing her fun dance moves)Hey!  What college are you guys from?

(Lindsay and I look around to see who she's talking to.  When we realize she's still looking at us, Lindsay somehow finds words outside of our astonishment.)

Lindsay: Oh.  We don't go to college.  We're moms.

Drunk College Girl #1:  (still dancing)OMG!  Drunk College Girl #2, can you believe these fine things are moms?  OMG!!!  You guys are hot.

(Lindsay and I nervously laugh.  I mean, what are you supposed to say to that???)

Me: Wow.  Thanks.

Lindsay: Yeah, thanks.  You are really sweet.

(Drunk College Girl #1 and #2 stubble away to enjoy the latest Lady Gaga song.  Lindsay and I laugh at the thought that they were drunk enough to mistake us for college girls.)

End Scene

Lesson Learned: We would fit in just fine at this club because pretty much everyone there was drunk. They wouldn't notice the moms and dads doing their 90's dance moves in the corner.  More good times.

Scene 3:
On the Dance Floor 10:00pm

(The four of us are dancing.  Well, sort of.  Rene is kind of bobbing his head, a little unsure of his rusty dance moves.  He didn't practice in the hotel room like Lindsay and I.  Fatal mistake.)

Big Sista: (turns to Steven) Didn't I see you here last week?

Steven:  No, I've never been here before in my life.

Big Sista:  I could have sworn I saw your fine self here last week.  What's your name?

Steven:  Well, you didn't, and I'm here with my wife.

End Scene

Lesson Learned:  Steven is still a chic magnet.  However, he has lost his swagger in conversation.  He pretty much shut down Big Sista.  I think he knew he wouldn't be able to handle all she had going on, so he stuck with his little white wife.

Scene 4:
Still on the Dance Floor 10:30pm

Drunk College Girl #1:  (to Lindsay and I)  AHHHHHH!  It's the moms!  Oh my gosh.  You had babies. I love you guys.

Drunk College Girl #2:  (gives Lindsay and I a hug) Uh-huh.

End Scene

Lesson Learned:  Being a mom is cool.  Being drunk makes you look stupid.

Scene 5:
Exiting Tengo 11:00pm

(Upon realizing the amount of hands reaching out for my ghetto booty, we decide to leave.  Bad decison to wear the skinny jeans.  We are all filing out of the jam packed club.  Steven and Rene are walking behind us to fend off the men.)

Amanda:  Where'd Steven go?

Lindsay and Rene:  I don't know.

(Meanwhile, Steven got caught by a group of Girl KU Fans.  He recalls the event as such...)

Girl KU Fan #1:  Hey!  Do you want to play a game with us?

Steven:  No.

Girl KU Fan #2:  Ohhhhh, you're making us sad. (Insert pouty face)

Steven:  Sorry, I'm leaving...with my wife.

Girl KU Fan #3:  Please stay.  We're gonna cry.  Whaaaaaa!

Steven:  Sorry.  Bye
End Scene

Lesson Learned:  Steven is no longer allowed out of my sight.  Ever.  He's just too darn sexy.  Even for a daddy of 2.

The rest of the night is spent outside the main hub of the Power & Light District.  After spending a good 30 minutes laughing at the people young and old making fools of themselves we decide to call it a night at 11:30.  We were tired.  It was Daylight Savings and we needed our sleep so we could wake up and return home to our babies.

Lesson Learned From the Entire Night: We are very thankful for our non-eventful life.  I cannot imagine doing that every Friday and Saturday night.  It was fun to spend an evening with R & L and my darn sexy husband, but I think we got our 10 year fix.  I wonder how we'll look in our ripe old age of 40 hitting the clubs?


Ashley said...

Oh my goodness I love it! Those would be the responses my husband and I would use! Last time we went out to a club was for my friends 30th birthday (all participants were married w/kids) a couple years ago. I was a bit on the toasty side and danced a little with my friends while Jimmy sat and smiled at me. I mainly just sat on a couch and hung all over him. He didn't mind. But that experience will last us another 5 years!

Jesse {GoodGirlGoneGlad} said...

LOL! I have never, yep never been clubbing! Sounds hilarious!