To All the Girls

A few weeks back I gave a list of things I vow not to do as a parent of a school aged child, but today I want to talk to the girls who are going to school. Especially those middle schoolers.

School can be a difficult place for kids in general, but girls can be especially vicious and not even realize it.  I was a victim of viciousness and dished it out.  When I look back at middle school days, it makes me sick.  So much time was wasted on my image instead of being focused on the person I should have been. 

I remember so clearly all the times I worried about what I was going to wear, how I was going to fix my hair, and who I was going to talk to at lunch.  Normal things.  Or was it?  Shouldn't I have been focused on what kind of person I was going to be for the day? 

I put thought into what I look like now.  I contemplate how I'll fix my hair.  I definitely choose who I want to hang out with, but it doesn't preoccupy every waking thought.  What does preoccupy my thoughts is how will I behave.  What will I choose to say or not say?  What kind of conversations will I participate in or not? 

We all make choices.  Fortunately I am older and wiser.  I know that the person I am is much more important than what my outward appearance.  Sure I want to look presentable, but I don't want to focus so much on my looks that I'm covering up the ugliness inside of me.  This is what I want the girls to know.  I want them to know that you will always regret what you wore in middle school...or high school...HELLO!  I wore scrunchies and had curled over bangs.  However, you don't have to regret who you were.  The girl who's always kind and guards what she says is rarely disliked.  The girl who goes out of her way to see others happy is rarely disliked.  The girl who has a genuine smile on her face is rarely disliked. 

Bottom line.  Be the person you weren't meant to be.  Don't pretend to be something you are not to fit into the popular crowd.  Don't compromise someone else's self image so you can feel better about yourself.  Keep your negative thoughts about others to yourself.  Not only should you NOT talk badly about other girls, but put a stop to those who are.  At the very least don't stand there and listen to it.

If I could go back to my middle school self, I would give myself the same advice.  You can't make everyone happy, but you can feel good about yourself by remaining blameless.  You can keep yourself from becoming labeled as one of these...