Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Balance and Presence and All That Stuff

I like to juggle.  Who am I kidding?  I suck at juggling.  I don't like to juggle.  The thought of it sounds cool, but the balls start flying and I get all anxious.  Anxious about the WHAT IF! 

What if I drop a ball?

What if I drop all the balls?

What if someone sees me drop the balls?

What if they laugh?

What if...what if...what if...

This, in theory sounds crazy.  Stressing out about juggling balls, but in real life  this is REAL.  I wear a lot of different hats, and if you are like 99.99999% of the American population, you wear a lot of hats too.  Case in point, it's 8:00am and I have already been a workout partner, a friend, a cook, a hair stylist, a tutor, a butt wiper, you get the point.  A lot of stuff has happened in the 3 short hours I have been awake. No doubt, there's a lot of other stuff that I still have to do, and will forget to do.  It's inevitable.

When the overwhelming feeling of all the jobs, all the chores, all the things I need to get done well up in my anxious self, I have to STOP.  Easier said than done.  Really.  I have to not only stop, but tell myself to stop, then follow my own directions and prioritize. 

Almost always I find myself in an anxious mode when I let life run it's course in my head.  I get distracted.  I forget what I'm doing.  I start something else. Get distracted. Forget what I'm doing again.  Pick up something else. Get distracted. Then BAM!!!  It's bedtime and I have all these half done jobs and nothing gets checked off my mental list.

There's my problem number one.  I keep a mental list instead of an actual tangible list where I can cross things off.  Problem #2?  I forget to be present in what I'm doing.

Presence is the very key for me living a balanced life.  I feel anxious when I let my thoughts and to-dos run wild in my head, instead of focusing and being present. Over the last two years, I remind myself often to be present in my activities.  In the time with my kids.  In the time I spend working.  In the time I spend being a friend.  In the time I spend with God.  In the time I spend at church.  In the time I spend being a wife.  Sounds super great, right? Uhhhh...notice I said I have spent TWO years working on this!  I am a multi-tasker by nature so the art of being present is something I work on DAILY.  Funny thing is, when I practice being present, I am not anxious.  I get WAY more done, and my family is happier. 

So today, I'm practicing presence...again. Something tells me I will be working on this tomorrow too.

And, because I work on a better me for these guys (and I like to show off my kids and nephews like trophies) you get a pic of the Torres Kids!

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