You know those little teacup rides? Almost every theme park has some version of them. The kind you sit in and feel all cute, then it gets going and all of a sudden you can't see straight? Your stomach starts churning...mouth waters...and you begin to wonder why you thought it was a good idea to step on the little puke inducing ride in the first place. I mean, I don't even really like tea to begin with. Why would I sit in a teacup???
That is my life. At this very moment. A teacup spinning so fast it makes me a bit nauseous and always wondering, 'How did I end up here?' Life moving a bit too fast. Life seeming a bit too full.
For fear of over-complicating life, I did the only thing I could think of; re-evaluate each area I was experiencing stress. Surely something could fall to the wayside.
After carefully consideration, there wasn't anything I was willing to let go. All my roles, responsibilities, activities, etc are things I want to do. Things that energize me. So if they are energizing to me in thought, why do I feel stressed in real life??? Something was out of whack and I needed to put my finger on it. I decided to tune myself into my stress. As I started to feel stressed throughout the day, I (for real) asked myself questions. Like one gigantic nut case walking myself through serious issues. My thoughts were like this...
Why am I feeling stressed?
Can I do anything about the stress?
Could the stress have been avoided?
What's for dinner tonight?
Yeah, so that last one shows you how much of a nut case I truly am!
In the end, I realized one common thing. I am relying on my own abilities and talents instead of resting. Resting in knowing God has gifted me in areas, but I am not responsible for creating outcomes. I am responsible for being a good steward of my gifts and turning over what I cannot control to Him. It is completely out of line to utilize my abilities and then fret if the outcome will measure up to MY standards. Making the things that I enjoy about ME instead of about HIM.
My head has been so wrapped up in capturing every thought and making it obedient to Christ. I'm not gonna lie. This. Is. Hard. For. Me. For someone who is goal driven and results oriented, worrying comes naturally by my flesh. That flesh of mine, well, she likes to analyze and worry and fret and analyze some more. Such a vicious cycle. But it's stopping. This week as I complete a task or project and get to the point where the outcome is out of my control, I rest. I pray. I open His Word. I read. I rest.
I'm not sure if you experience the crazy life, and it may come in seasons for you, but I encourage you to find rest as well.