I like to juggle. Who am I kidding? I suck at juggling. I don't like to juggle. The thought of it sounds cool, but the balls start flying and I get all anxious. Anxious about the WHAT IF!
What if I drop a ball?
What if I drop all the balls?
What if someone sees me drop the balls?
What if they laugh?
What if...what if...what if...
This, in theory sounds crazy. Stressing out about juggling balls, but in real life this is REAL. I wear a lot of different hats, and if you are like 99.99999% of the American population, you wear a lot of hats too. Case in point, it's 8:00am and I have already been a workout partner, a friend, a cook, a hair stylist, a tutor, a butt wiper, you get the point. A lot of stuff has happened in the 3 short hours I have been awake. No doubt, there's a lot of other stuff that I still have to do, and will forget to do. It's inevitable.
When the overwhelming feeling of all the jobs, all the chores, all the things I need to get done well up in my anxious self, I have to STOP. Easier said than done. Really. I have to not only stop, but tell myself to stop, then follow my own directions and prioritize.
Almost always I find myself in an anxious mode when I let life run it's course in my head. I get distracted. I forget what I'm doing. I start something else. Get distracted. Forget what I'm doing again. Pick up something else. Get distracted. Then BAM!!! It's bedtime and I have all these half done jobs and nothing gets checked off my mental list.
There's my problem number one. I keep a mental list instead of an actual tangible list where I can cross things off. Problem #2? I forget to be present in what I'm doing.
Presence is the very key for me living a balanced life. I feel anxious when I let my thoughts and to-dos run wild in my head, instead of focusing and being present. Over the last two years, I remind myself often to be present in my activities. In the time with my kids. In the time I spend working. In the time I spend being a friend. In the time I spend with God. In the time I spend at church. In the time I spend being a wife. Sounds super great, right? Uhhhh...notice I said I have spent TWO years working on this! I am a multi-tasker by nature so the art of being present is something I work on DAILY. Funny thing is, when I practice being present, I am not anxious. I get WAY more done, and my family is happier.
So today, I'm practicing presence...again. Something tells me I will be working on this tomorrow too.
And, because I work on a better me for these guys (and I like to show off my kids and nephews like trophies) you get a pic of the Torres Kids!
Yesterday I had a leadership meeting with my business to map out our plan for the remaining 4 months of the year. Before we began, we took a moment to focus on the art of being grateful.
When you really think about it, how often are we truly grateful?
Reality check!!!! Not often enough for me.
Case in point...
We have 6 living humans in this household. The laundry is unreal. UNREAL I tell you!!! Too many people in too many activities wearing too many clothes. It adds up so fast. And to be really honest, it drives me batty. Laundry and dishes...don't even get me started on the dishes...
I digress.
We leave tomorrow for a little weekend trip. Super fun, right? YES! Totally looking forward to it. However, the laundry needs to be done. So does grocery shopping. So does house cleaning. So does feeding kids. So does work. It goes on and on and on. I walked into my bedroom and was instantly frustrated with the laundry staring back at me.
I kid you not, it said, "Muahahahahaha....you won't fold us. There's too much of us and only one of you."
Okay, so that didn't really happen, but it felt like it. Seriously. I felt defeated by laundry, and chores, and groceries, and kids. Hello, basket case!
Stop. I had to stop. Stop and think about what all these little things truly meant.
I have clean clothes. Which means I have running water and electricity in my own home. That we own. I have money to buy soap to wash the clothes. Our family has many options of clothes to wear. For every season. The stains on the clothes are the evidence of the very freedoms we have. Freedom to eat out. Freedom to play sports. Which means we have a means to pay for food and activities. The list goes on and on and on.
When you start to put it that way, life doesn't seem to defeat me as much. The attitude of gratitude immediately turns my frame of reference towards a place of victory. So there, Pile 'O Laundry! I will fold you and you will like it.
I LOVE nursing! I love the closeness, the cuddles, the baby breaths on my skin...I LOVE IT!!!
I HATE the breastpump. The boob squeezing, tube sucking, devil machine. It is awful.
Anytime I can avoid using the pump, I will.
Nursing is good. Breastpump...ehhhhhhh.
All this glorious information is pertinent, I promise.
Yesterday my bestie and I scheduled a morning run, but the littliest Torres wasn't up just yet. I would have rather nursed her, yet I decided to pump so I could run. As I was getting ready to lace up my shoes, I heard her playing in the room.
Dang IT!!! I could have saved myself a pumping session!!!
As I poured the milk into the bottle for Steven so he could feed her, Little Miss got all jumpy and said, "Mama, can I please feed her?!?!?"
She got her wish...
My plan of wanting to nurse the littlest Torres was good, but laying that down gave me the opportunity to see that good is good, but great was better. I got to go run and Little Miss got to feed her sister for some bonding time.
This is true in almost every aspect of life. Often times we buy into the lie that what we have is good, so looking for great is wrong. NO! Looking for great is what we are called to do.
Let me clarify one thing here. If you're reading this and think, "My spouse is good, but I need great," STOP. RIGHT. THERE. Your spouse is great. Maybe you haven't helped uncover the greatness in them. So, more than likely, the problem is you and YOU should lay down your good and become great for YOUR spouse.
But, since we aren't talking about that, I'm moving on. I had to make that one little thing clear.
I can give you countless example after example of how this has proved true in our families' lives. Jobs, children, church, school...all these things we have experienced good. Then something was laid down before us. We almost stepped over it because, after all, what we have is good. Why would we trade it in for something else? What if the new isn't as good as the old? What if we weren't supposed to pick up the new in the first place? What if...what if...what if...
We let fear take over. Fear paralyzes us from living out our true calling or potential. Pick up the dang thing! Let yourself see that good is good, but great is better. You can have great. There is nothing wrong with saying, "What I have right now is good. In fact, I love it. BUT, what I'm picking up will take me to a place in life I could have never imagined."
Don't walk in fear today, or tomorrow for that matter. Walk through whatever you need to, but let fear fall to wayside on the way. Greater is He who is in you than who is in the world (1 John 4:4). You have already won. Just walk it out.
I've never had obedient easy children from birth. All of our kiddos have come out with strong personalities and boldness in their ideas and opinions. The first two were fairly challenging in stages. Times arose where we wondered if we were fighting the good fight or just fighting a losing battle. However, we stayed the course and within months of working to change behaviors, we were able to see the fruits of our labors with our older kids.
We really patted ourselves on the backs.
Look at our amazing parenting skills. We've got this thing figured out. Wow! We've really molded these kids into strong leaders. I should pass on our life lessons to the other parents who are struggling with strong-willed kids.
Ha!So naive! We were doing so well. Mastered the temper tantrums, shaped their wills, and then BAM! Chubby Cheekers came along. From birth he was our spirited little guy. His funnies are funny, but his challenges are challenging. Like 'put me in a straight jacket and take me to the looney bin' challenging.
Over his 3.5 years, we have learned the power of ultra consistency. The power of standing our ground even when it's not popular. The power in recognizing his unique gifts even though they can be embarrassing (he is an entertainer at heart).
Exhibit A:
We've also learned the power of letting things go! He may embarrass me more times than I would like, but his behavior is more related to the heart of a boy who likes mischief and not a true heart issue of malice, ill-will, disobedience, or disrespect.
Don't get me wrong! We deal with a LOT of heart issues. We take 1 step forward and 3 steps back on heart issues. In this on-going struggle, we've learned that progress is progress. Not to focus on the times we feel like we're losing ground, but the wins we have together. We've learned to celebrate his fun-loving craziness. Look less on what others see in our family and look more towards what we can do to turn out a responsible, fun-loving, compassionate leader.
Enough of the parenting lessons we've learned over time, and time to celebrate Chubby Cheekers. I'd like to call this tribute, 'Things I NEVER Thought I Would Need To Say'.
If you want to go to gymnastics you'll need to put on underwear. Nobody wants to see your berries while stretching and flipping.
We don't lick people. They aren't lollipops.
Growling is only okay when playing zoo, not when answering adults.
Put your pants on! Underwear is optional. Pants are not.
You can't wear your sister's swimsuit. Yours is in the bathtub from last night.
You can't pee in the front yard. Only in the back.
These are just a few that have happened as of late. Now I'm wishing I would have kept a book. He's quite the character that offers a lot of daily laughs.
I love this picture. It was the first time we had all four kids in one pic and 3 out of 4 were smiling (Little Bit doesn't count. She was too young and the creepy baby stare was a good look for her). It reminds me that there are times when we may appear to have it all together. In fact, you appear to have it all together too. Notice that word 'appear'?
Appearances are deceiving, and you know the problem with appearances? They STINK!
Everyone is walking around hoping...praying...their appearance looks all together so no one will find out what level of Crazy they are living. Although, we are all functioning at some level of non-normal. It's what makes us, US! It makes you, YOU!
So I'm here to set you straight. We live in the penthouse of Crazyville. Most days it's pretty nice in the penthouse. We've become accustomed to the entertainment provided by our four kids. Sometimes the entertainment is at the silly things they do, and sometimes the entertainment is on us. You know, those moments where you have a freak out session, or your child does something utterly humiliating...in public...or worse yet, in front of the many people you admire. We've learned to laugh at our reactions and circumstances (at a much later time 'cause in the moment it ain't so funny). We've come to realize I won't be a Stepford Wife, and our kids aren't Leave It To Beaver kids. We are more of the America's Funny Home Videos family. If any of you know our 3rd child, Chubby Cheekers, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
I really don't have very much else to say. Basically, I needed to remind you (and I will do it often) that the Torres family does not, and never will, have it all together. We've just learned to manage what we have to the best of our abilities and let grace take over. Grace. That's some good stuff right there!
Today is the day I drive my oldest wittle bitty baby to church to be hauled off to church camp. Is he concerned about being homesick? NOPE! He's all about his friends and fun and Jesus. I really can't ask for much more from him. He's going to have an awesome week. I am proud of his courageous and brave mindset, but that doesn't mean I won't miss him to pieces.
His sister has already been a bawl bag for the last day. It's hitting her the hardest that he is leaving. They are so close. A little shy of 2 years apart these two know nothing other than life with each other. Love their sibling relationship.
There are some days these little minions eat my lunch. They are a ferocious bunch. Not really. They are funny and compassionate and caring and fun loving and playful. Until, you mess with one of them. Then they are ferocious!
Steven and I have always told the kids to stick up for their siblings. They are to be kind, but firm with anyone who picks on or bullies someone in our family. This includes cousins, friends, anyone for that matter. They are to stand up for what is right. So when we were at the park the other day and a little thang started showing a not so nice side, all five Torreses were on it. I was one proud aunt and mama.
At first this little girl was so sweet just chatting with us while we were eating lunch. When it was time to get up and play she started getting possessive with Little Miss. Little Man went to sit by her, and she pinched him. When he told her he wanted to sit by his sister, she told him to shut up.
He came to me for some advice. This little girl was younger than him and he was looking for a solution on how to deal with her. I told him to firmly tell her, our family doesn't play or talk like that and we don't allow people to play or talk like that to us. Meanwhile, I call Little Miss over to guide her to separate from this little girl.
Well, Little Miss was already on it.
Mom! She pinched Mason and told him to shut up. I told her I can't play with her since she's being mean to my brother.
Score one for Little Miss. She doesn't get many opportunities to play with girls so for her to stand up for what was right and her older brother made me celebrate her boldness.
All the while, Little Man headed over to deliver his message he sought advice for. As he's delivering his speech, Chunky Monkey has his best tough guy face on, arms crossed, nodding his head in agreement. And the babies? They were standing back up too.
Moral of the Story...
If you mess with one, you get all FIVE.
We Torreses run in packs. In our family, there is no such thing as one person's problem. The truth is, I am proud of them. They stood for what is right and stood for each other. They kept their cool, but were firm.
On the way home, the kids began talking about what happened. They aren't used to people treating them ugly. As they were getting wrapped up in all the drama, I found it to be the perfect teaching moment. And they got this speech...
You will have multiple times in your life where people are ugly, unfair, or just plain mean. You have a choice. You do not have to stand for it. You are a Torres. We stand for what's right. We stick together. We support those who need supporting. More importantly, you are a child of the Most High God. You are powerful. God says you are special. You must know who you are, then decided if what the person is speaking is the truth or a lie. If it is the truth, you may need to make changes for the better. If it is a lie, you may need to separate yourself from the person or situation.
I really think it was hitting home, until someone passed gas and they were dying laughing...then gasping for air. We'll just say Little Miss can clear a room ;) Hopefully, they got the lesson. If not, until next time, because there will always be a next time.
It has been a weird, weird Mommy week. Two outings with the 5 kids and two weird Mommy moments. First up, the library. My spunky nephew was playing with a wire beaded track when an older boy came and put his hand over my nephew's so he couldn't move. Not even a few seconds later the older boy tried to push him out of the way. Knowing my nephew, I waited for him to take care of it. He immediately told the boy, "NO!" over and over and over.
As I watched my two year old nephew taking care of business, I kept waiting for the mom of the other boy to redirect him. Instead, she bribes and coerces and baby talks her son to move to the other side. He wasn't budging and my nephew kept up with his NOs, and he's not a quiet one.
Finally, the mom pries the boy away and he gets to working on something else. Not a minute later Chubby Cheekers tries to push this older boy out of the way because he wanted to play. I immediately grabbed him and told him he wasn't going to take a toy from someone else. He'd have to wait.
What came next made me wish I had a picture of my own face. The mom looks at me and says, "Oh, it's not him we had a problem with." Then she whispers real soft, "It's this little boy," and she points to my nephew.
Say whaaaaat????
I loved telling her he was mine too, and I totally supported him telling her child no. He had been there playing quietly for a while and didn't need to give up his toy to make her son happy. I don't think she was too happy with me. It was awkward, but don't think for a second I will let my kids feel like they did something wrong for standing up for what's right.
Weird Mommy Moment #1.
If that wasn't awkward enough, we head to the park the next day. Chubby Cheekers found a good size mud puddle and was stomping around in it. Totally content. Having a blast. I had not one problem with it. He was happy. It was just mud. I love watching the kids get messy.
Then another mom comes over to me and says, "Ummmm, do you know one of your kids is in the mud?"
Again, I needed a picture of my own face.
Well, yes, I actually do. He's a boy that loves dirt. I'm okay with that.
Not five minutes later the mom's little girl goes to get in the mud. The little girl cries because she's dirty. Mom rescues her and says, "If you hadn't seen that little boy get in the mud you would have never done that, would you?"
I get parenting is so unique and takes a different approach. Maybe they were headed somewhere later. Maybe the idea of mud is too much to handle. I don't really care. You do what works for you.
One thing that works for us is letting the Torres kids handle issues appropriate for them and getting into stuff. We're in the business of boundaries and messy. I mean, just look at this bunch...
They are wild. They are crazy. They are messy. BUT, one thing they are not are pushovers. Although, life would sometimes be easier if they were pushovers when it came time to listening to their parents vs. doing what their own wills want. Whew! That takes a lot of shaping and work.
We have a couple more outings this week, so let's all raise our glasses to skipping out on Awkward Mommy Moments. I'm not sure I can handle anymore drama moments this week. We've had our fill fo' sho'!
If I were to cook dinner right now, I'd serve up 3 hot dogs and 2 hamburgers. We like hot dogs and we like hamburgers. It just so happens we're a little unbalanced over here.
With 5 in our family right now it's always unbalanced. BUT, not for long. We're getting ready to serve up 3 hot dogs and then turn around it match it up with 3 hamburgers. You may be thinking? Who's eating the extra hamburger over there? Only, I'm not talking literally. I'm speaking figuratively.
This Torres family is getting ready to even itself out because come November we're adding another GIRL to this family. So that makes 3 hot dogs and 3 hamburgers, if you know what I mean ;)
Little Miss is over the moon excited. She has prayed for a sister ever since we told the kids another minion was on the way. Right now, we're working on names. Do we go with the 'A' name so the girls have 'A' names and the younger boys have 'M's'? OR, do we go with a name that ends in -son like Little Man and Little Miss' names? But that leaves Chubby Cheekers the odd man out. OR, do we go with naming her Stevie after her Daddy??? Then there will be 2 A's, 2 M's, and 2 S's, and I will feel like my world is in balance again? OR, do we go with the name my mother HATES??? OR, do we just name her whatever we think of when she comes out?
So. Many. Decisions.
As of now, I am no where near choosing a name. So all suggestions welcome! Just think, YOU could choose the next Torres baby name!
Those oldest two. I think we're on the right track. That youngest one. Well, he challenges everything you thought you knew about parenting. Or maybe you still know about parenting, but he just makes you exercise those parenting skills a little more. Or maybe you have no idea about parenting...
About that little one. He has the best qualities. He is funny beyond his years. He speaks beyond his years. He acts beyond his years. He really wasn't a baby for very long. He thinks he's just as old, if not older, than his siblings. He has his own way of wanting to do things. Which 99.999% of the time is the exact opposite of what I want him to do.
Most of the time Steven and I find ourselves thinking, "What are we doing here? Are we raising a leader or a psychopath?" I've come to realize there is a really really fine line between the two, and often wonder what will become of this little guy if he doesn't learn to be a God fearing boy and moves into teenager world.
Then, like a bolt out of heaven, I came across this post by Jen Hatmaker. It was such the reassurance that when times with toddlers is rough, there is a purpose for training and the very things you love about them now, and the will you are working so diligently to shape, will produce a stronger love and bond for those precious teenagers.
I do get excited to see the strong will working for good. All of our kids have it. Some more than others, but eventually it will bring a boldness for truth and light and justice for others. Lord help us to get them there. We need a lot of wisdom, guidance, grace, mercy...basically, if it comes from God WE NEED IT!
Now this fourth one, God and I have already had many a talks about the easy going behavior he or she will possess. Along with great sleeping...and no crying...and a love for a car seat. Amen.
Since I was little I've loved to read. I remember the BEST place in the world was a book store. My mom would let me go in a bookstore in the mall while she hopped in and out of stores she needed.. I could sit there for hours just looking at new books. It's been a long time since I thought about how happy it made me to just finger through new crisp books.
We've had some snow days around here lately. I love snow days. A warm fire, toasty blanket, snow slowly falling, it's the perfect time to get yourself wrapped up in a good book. Unfortunately the schedules of 5 kids doesn't always match up so my book time gets pushed aside.
Not on Tuesday. Tuesday the stars aligned and every person under the age of 5 napped at the same time. It left me and Little Man cozied up on the couch with our books.
Little Man has become quite the reader this year and my heart could not possibly have any more joy from watching him develop a love for reading. On Saturday we have our annual Valentine's Date together. He chose a book store for us to go to. A book store to peruse new, crisp books and just be together. And, maybe a little snack to go with it. Does this boy know the way into my heart or what???
I hope you all enjoy your weekend with your families.
Man those holidays sure flew by us. We had an amazing Christmas. Baking and spending time with family always keeps us feeling full. Each year the kids look forward to the traditions. Packing boxes for Operation Christmas Child, making sugar cookies, the annual Gingerbread Houses, going to Christmas Train, attending Celebrate Christmas at our awesome church, and just hanging out with our loved ones. Just in case you're visual I've got some classic Torres photos for ya!
{You ask for 'cheese' and this is what you get around here}
{A little gingerbread house making a lotta of double fisting candy to mouths}
{Good 'ol family photo with Santa. Apparently, Chubby Cheekers was naughty this year)
{Christmas Dinner with best friends cousins}
{Table for two for the babes doing what they do best...weird stuff}
{Chubby Cheekers learned very quickly you can't drink Santa's milk}
As you can see we had fun. We also spent more time looking for opportunities to serve throughout November and December. That really prompted some thinking of what I want our 2014 to look like.
Honestly, it's really sad that 90% of our kind gestures are focused around Thanksgiving and Christmas. We give and help when we see needs, but lately I'm seeing a pattern of helping when the need is in front of our faces instead of being intentional about serving.
Not 2014. It's going to be the year of INTENTION. Each month we are going to be focused on one serving opportunity, and I hate to say it but we're starting off a little small. Our UPS guy and postal lady were killing themselves over the holiday season. So for the month of January, we are going to spoil the service workers in our community. Little care packages set out just for them. Nothing difficult, but a good way for the kids to see how little acts can really bless someone. I have lots of friends who are joining us on this challenge, so feel free to follow along with us. As many people we can bless the better. Offering more opportunities to shine His light.
If you were in search of Menu Monday, I am so sorry! I spent a good part of last week putting together a 4 week meal plan and shopping list. It was enough to make me want to run from menus for a couple of weeks!
It's the month. The month where everyone posts one thing they are thankful for daily. I don't do it. I'm thankful, but I don't Facebook reflect it everyday. I enjoy reading others thoughts, but I don't share mine. Then I think, "Man, I'm a selfish stinky non-thankful person."
Seriously, why must I feel the need to find one more irrelevant thing to beat myself up about? Really, Amanda? Really? Is this a heart issue or a comparison issue? Probably more for comparison, but just in case I'm battling a heart issue I wanted to reflect on what I am thankful for in my life.
So here I am going over what I'm thankful for in ONE big post, and I know you all are so thankful for it...
I'm thankful that everyday I wake up to the same man, and that very man loves me despite all some of my annoying qualities.
I am thankful I have first world problems. There is never a day I wake up and fear for my life. I don't fear if my home will be ransacked and my children ripped from my arms. I don't fear if we will become deathly ill from lack of sanitary water. I don't fear preventable diseases. I don't fear the evil many others face.
I am thankful for books and the people who wrote them. I used to be a big fiction reader. As of late I have a list of books sitting on my bedside table that are more in the realm of self-development. I admire the people who took hours of their lives to devote concentration and discipline so that I may read them and internalize the information to develop a better version of myself.
In fact, I have one book Left to Tell that I am honestly not sure if I am courageous enough to read. I am so afraid of reading the book because it might require an emotion to be touched that I'm not sure if I'm ready to go there. I am thankful that this is one of my biggest struggles right now. Simply picking up a book.
I am thankful for my children. They have made me better. They have taught me lessons in serving that I could have never received outside of motherhood. Those three Torres kids hold me accountable for walking in love and demonstrating love even when I feel like ripping someone's head off. (Yeah, I have some ugly moments).
I am thankful when I have ugly moments I have the opportunity to redeem myself. I am surrounded by loving friends and family who give me grace and second chances. I have a God who sees me as He made me and sees me where He wants me. I am thankful for His patience as I work to get there.
I am thankful for each person who has spoken into my life. For each season lessons have been learned and trials have been faced, but those around me have taught me many lessons on what it means to continue to grow, forgive, love, and laugh.
I am thankful for my children's friends. They have chosen kids to be in their lives that will speak life into them and not suck it out. I am thankful my church spends countless hours mastering the way to teach children how to make friends that are worth having.
I am thankful for Disney World my kids' school, their teachers, and other parents in the school. Never EVER have I witnessed a place like where my kids are during the week. It is truly the Disney World of education.
I am thankful for my Arbonne business. It has required me to step outside of myself, focus on others, and paint a bigger vision for my family's ability to serve those who cannot serve themselves. It has required me to grow spiritually, professionally, and personally. I like the new version of me and I'm thankful for who I will become along the way.
You know, it's not quite 30 thankful things but, it's from my heart. I am thankful for so much more but it would be never ending.
And simply because no post is fun without a picture, I leave you with Chubby Cheekers. Because, darn it, I'm thankful for my crazy strong genes. Who would have ever thought I'd have a mini WHITE version of Steven Torres!
February 19th: Chicago Marathon opens registration. I registered Steven.
May 27th: Official Training for the Chicago Marathons begins.
October 13th: Race Day
When I think about the 8 months that passed from the time Steven committed to the training until the time he actually ran the race, I am astonished. He set a goal and he achieved it. Erica set a goal and she achieved it. Sarah set a goal and she achieved it. 40,000 people set a goal and they achieved it. Watching dreams come alive as they ran was unbelievably touching.
The actual day of the race, Mark, Erica, Steven, and I woke at 5:30am and headed downtown. Since the spectators and racers were expected to be over 2.7 million, we decided not to take the rental car and use public transportation. We took the bus a few blocks and then hopped on the train.
{Waiting for the train to Magnificent Mile}
When we came up the stairs to street level all you saw were runners...and spectators...and more runners. It was madness. The excitement was mounting whether you were running or not. However, rarely do you pass the Art Institute of Chicago on your way to a race. I had to have them stop for a pic. At this point Steven had his 'race' attitude on. Asking him to stop for a pic was a stretch, but he did it. I'm sure now he is glad to have this moment captured. There's a lot of emotion wrapped up in this pic...
{Mark, Erica, and Steven}
A few blocks away from this pic is where we dropped Steven off for his corral. This is where I lost it. I was getting ready to let my husband navigate through thousands of runners and begin the hardest physical challenge he has ever known by himself. By. Himself. I held on to him, prayed over him, and cried. CRIED. I'm crying now thinking about it. He worked so hard. I was so proud of him, yet I was also so nervous. As he turned to walk through bag check, I put on my big girl panties and walked with Erica and her husband to find Sarah. After a few phone calls and texts we found her, snapped a pic and let the ladies get to their corral.
{Jeremy, Sarah, Erica, and Mark}
From here Jeremy, Mark, and I walked a few blocks to catch the runners at Mile 2. So many people told us it would be nearly impossible to see your runner. We still stood there scanning through all the racers. I'll let you figure out if we saw them or not...
Who is that crazy lady yelling for my husband? Who am I kidding? I was so stoked to see him running. He looked amazing. Proud wife moment for sure. I was so excited about seeing him that when Erica and Sarah came I stuck out my hand for high fives, but didn't get a video of them. I'm a bit mad at myself for that.
After the girls passed we headed to the train to try and get a glimpse of them at Mile 8 near Wrigley Field. As soon as we arrived, I quickly learned Steven had already passed Mile 8. I hung around for Sarah and Erica and we got to see them. They looked amazing. After them chunking their outerwear at us, we headed back to the train. This is when I realized if I hoped to see Steven again I would have to separate from Mark and Jeremy. Jeremy, being the only one who has lived in a big city, showed me the best way to catch the train by myself to see Steven. I was so thankful for him taking the time to get me where I needed to go. I got to Mile 23 and waited for Steven.
By this time I could tell he was hurting. My heart hurt. Seeing your loved one in pain is not easy. Maybe that's how he felt as I was popping out his 3 kids...
I hopped back on the subway by myself and headed to Mile 26. Right when I got off the train my phone died. I thought for sure I would catch Steven at Mile 26 right before he turned the corner to the finish line. I waited and waited and waited. I saw many runners he was with at Mile 23. I waited a bit longer. I never saw him so I headed to the Runner's Reunite area to wait for him.
He never came there either. I stood there by the 'S-T' sign for 2 hours. I was afraid to leave. I had no phone and was surrounded by foreigners waiting for their loved ones. My only thoughts were, "If I leave here, we'll never find each other." So I stayed. And stayed. And stayed. It was the most awful wait ever. I began to think something happened. Why wasn't he coming to the Runner's Reunite area? Just as I was beginning to find a race worker or Chicago PD I spotted Erica's husband. He knew where Steven was and took me to him.
Just as I was about to wrap my husband up and tell him how proud I was, he grabbed me and CRIED! Steven didn't recall the conversation we had about a meeting spot. When he realized I was no longer with the husbands he looked up the location on my phone and saw it was at the train station. He thought I had been taken. Like the movie Taken. He called his uncle, a retired Chicago detective, and cousin, a current Chicago PD officer, and they were beginning to contact other officers to find me.
Now it's funny. Then it was not. My heart hurts that at the time he should have been celebrating his biggest accomplishment, he was so stricken with fear that his wife had been kidnapped. On the other hand, at least I know he cares. OR, maybe he was worried that he was going to have to raise these hooligan kiddos all by himself.
Once he realized I was safe, he let his guard down and began to show how hurt he was from the race. His hammies cramped up during the race right after Mile 23 causing him to stop and stretch them out multiple times, and his knee was in bad shape. It was hard to watch him in so much pain, but he did it. It completed a goal he had been working on throughout the entire summer and beginning of fall. What a man!
The above picture was taken by Steven's aunt and uncle. They were able to catch him out of the exit gate. I am thankful for them traveling from IN to cheer him on. We seriously have the best families ever.
Steven, I am so proud of the work you put in. Your determination and mental toughness makes me strive for better personal achievement. You set the example of toughness and a 'Can Do' attitude for our children. Thank you for pushing us all to be better.
Let me be very clear. I did NOT run a marathon. My man of steel husband and tough as nails friends ran a marathon. Instead of pushing myself to physical exhaustion, I decided to relive the past. I became a cheerleader...again. Only this time I did not wear a uniform(no one would want to see that).
Just mulling over the things I would like to share with you has a lump in my throat and big crocodile tears wellin' up in my eyes. I can't even begin to describe to you how incredibly proud I am of my husband and friends. The opportunity I had to train halfway through allowed me to get a minor glimpse of how incredibly difficult the physical and mental aspect of this race would be for my husband and friends. I am thankful for that knowledge. It allowed me to appreciate them all the more.
But, let me start at the beginning...
We left early Friday morning for Chicago. We were all so excited to navigate an airport sans kids and kid gear. We got to our local airport in plenty of time to have some coffee and talk. This is how cool parents act when they are childless. They decide to take pics of themselves. Most of the passengers waiting to board the plane were staring. I'm sure they thought we were celebrities.
When we arrived in Chicago on Friday afternoon, we went straight to the Runner's Expo. That place was every runner's dream. Nike, New Balance, Saucony, and Mizuno gear, stretching equipment, snacks, refueling products, videos, technique training...anything and everything related to running was under one roof. We walked out with a race day outfit and The Stick (thanks to a sneaky friend). We also walked out with some major excitement. So many runners picking up their packets and so much anticipation. I got nervous, and I wasn't even running the race.
{Steven and Erica at the entrance of the Expo}
{Steven checking in to get his race day packet}
{Nike's cool photo op}
{Erica, Steven, and Sarah...the runners with the course map and distance}
After we had explored the Expo we headed downtown to enjoy Chicago. There is something about walking the streets of Chicago that ignites my inner 'city girl'. Let's be honest. I'm an OK city girl. In Chicago, I'm a country girl. It's all relative. Of course we did the tourist pics making all the locals wait before they could cross in front of us. YOLO!
{Erica and I in front of the famous Chicago sign}
{Seriously? Do you see that hunk next to me?!?!}
{Sarah, me, and Erica at Giordano's Pizza. These two ladies are beyond selfless}
{Gigantic Chicago style pizza. Can I get a holla for my husband's facial expresssion?)
After a morning of travel, the Expo, sight-seeing, and shoving our faces full of Chicago style pizza we were all ready for bed. We headed to Steven's uncle's home right outside downtown for some rest.
The next morning we were up and ready for a morning of shopping at Lululemon. If you have never experienced the feel of Lululemon on your body, you are missing out. As frugal as I am, I will splurge on Lulu attire. Good news...they have a clearance section. I helped myself to a new jacket, running shorts, and two tanks. At first Steven rolled his eyes until I handed him a pair of men's running shorts and insisted he try them on. The look on his face when he opened the dressing room door was priceless. Needless to say, he gets it and now owns his first pair of Lululemon running shorts.
{Erica and I being brand snobs with our Lulu bags}
Once we had our fill of shopping and realized Erica and Steven needed rest, we headed back to the house and prepped for race day. Steven taught Erica his pre race ritual...laying out his race attire and gear the night before a run...
The jitters were really beginning to set in. The next day was going to be the most challenging physical feat for Steven and Erica. I slept very little. My stomach was in knots thinking about what they were about to do. Words cannot express the emotional roller coaster of watching your loved ones push themselves beyond pain and suffering.
Tomorrow I'll share race day, then on Friday you can read about post race day. Erica is working on writing a post from the actual runner's stand point. It is all very different for her. This is all completely from my spectator view. However, being a spectator is no joke!
Phone squished between my shoulder and ear, spreading peanut butter on bread, logging in an order, and whispering for child #2 to hurry up get her shoes on her feet. Four things all at once. Not really focusing completely on one specific activity. Not really present. Hurried. Busy. Stressed.
Am I the only one here?
Life is full. Life is blessed. Sometimes those very blessings can be overwhelming if not put in check. Take my phone for instance. It is amazing. Information at my fingertips. Money saving information. Maps. The Bible. So many good things about my phone, but very quickly my good thing can consume me. It can eat away my time. I can distract me in the middle of rare, but focused moment.
I found myself in this 'distracting' area a lot lately. I could be in an in depth meaningful conversation with an adult, and one of my precious, lovely children interrupts with a life-altering situation. Child 1 has inflicted the worst infliction in the history of infliction on Child 2. Come to find out Child 1 picked up a toy to play with. The very toy Child 2 was contemplating using. Bam. I'm distracted. I'm no longer focused on the moment with my friend. I robbed her. I wasn't present.
Situations like this began to occur more and more. If I didn't make a conscience decision to make a change, my busyness was only going to get worse. Even though I realized exactly what was wrong, I had not one clue on how to fix it. Until...
Until, I took a weekend to quiet myself, shut down my busyness, and listen to what God had to say to me. Turns out it was two words. A two word solution.
Be Present.
Nothing profound. Nothing seemingly life-altering. Just the simplicity of being present. That's what I love about God. He's not complicated. We make things complicated. He simplifies.
So here I am working on being present. If it is time with my kids. That's where you will find me. Focused solely on them. Phone put away. iPad away. Friends away. Kids up close and my attention on them. I'm working on this for all areas of my life. My phone doesn't interrupt me. It has it's place, and when I have to use it the kids understand. We had our uninterrupted time. A short 30 minutes of phone calls or Arbonne work isn't such a big deal anymore. Instead they hear, "Mommy has a few phone calls to make. I will be focused just on who I am speaking with. Is there something you need before I call?" And then I am present in what I'm doing at that exact moment.
For most of you, this is probably a, "Seriously, she spent time writing about this?" For me, this has been a struggle. I am so much of a multi-tasker that if I am not working on 3 things at one time, I am wasting time. Focusing on being present has allowed me to be a better mom, a better business woman, a better wife, a better friend. That's what I love about God's wisdom. It teaches me to be better. The better I am, the better I am able to serve others.
So I'll close with this. I am not one to drop pics of myself. I see beautiful pics of my friends, but I just feel awkward posting pics of myself. On the other hand, I want my kids to have tangible memories of their mom. Our everyday moments captured in pic. A pic with me in it. Even if it means a no make-up selfie on the floor.
My Baby Cakes
My Kissy Cuddly Princess
I still have to tackle the oldest football lovin' boy to get a pic with him. He's too busy running routes out back with his daddy to sit a moment with his mom. I guess that's all the more reason to capture those rare moments with him.
Last night was a split family night. We all meet for dinner, then we split. The boys go home and I take Little Miss to her gymnastics class. It's a great 45 minutes of absolute MOMMY TIME! I get to sit and work on whatever I'd like, or simply chat with other moms. Then gymnastics is over. Little Miss and I load up and head home to our boys.
The street we live on is pretty long and we live at the very top. It's not a cul-de-sac, but pretty close to it. We know which cars drive all the way to the top of the street and which ones will turn. Basically, I tell you this because...wait for it...we let our kids play in the street. Ah, the horror of it all!
Anyway, playing in the street is such a small part of my story. It just happens to be where my boys were as we were driving up the street. My boys and a few other neighborhood kids. Steven had organized a baseball game. When they were tired of that, they had out fishing poles. Steven had drawn a pond in the street for the kids to cast in. Eventually, little fish got drawn in as well so the kids could cast and catch the pretend fish.
Not often enough do I take time to thank him for being such a fun, playful dad. The kids get so excited when he gets home from work. He thinks of the best games to play, and leaves not one kid out. Ever. He makes sure all the kids on our street have the opportunity to play if they want to. He even worked with our precious neighbor on riding his bike. He only wanted Mr. Steven to do it.
Steven makes me proud and I just wanted to let the world know. I know I'm a lucky girl. I definitely married up. Now, when I get irritated with him, someone please redirect me to this post. Sometimes we forget what we have.
Did you do your homework? Did you watch the video from LifeChurch.tv? If not, hopefully it's not too late to log on and watch. It's a must. Have your tissues on hand and your mind prepared for some harsh reality. I thought I was prepared to have some heart strings pulled. What I wasn't prepared for was the thoughts that have consumed me daily since watching.
The whole message was focused on the movie The Impossible. Here's a little trailer for the movie...
I never even knew this movie was even out there, but I now want to watch the entire thing. This family intrigues me so much it has me evaluating how we are raising our children.
The couple in the film was vacationing in one of the most beautiful places in the world with their three sons when the tsunami hit. I can't imagine the fear that strikes you when you know there is nothing you can do to protect your children. The force of the water will rip your babies right out of your arms. You sit and watch and are powerless. In times like that I am thankful we serve a greater God. Greater than circumstances. Greater the enemy. Greater is He.
Beyond the thankfulness, I also cannot get out of my head what this family did to help others. There is a scene where the mom and oldest son find each other. The mom is terrible need of medical attention and the son is concerned to get her the help she needs. However, they hear the cry of a young child. Long story short, the mom convinces the son they must help even if it's the last thing they do. I get that. I would have done the same. How could I not help the helpless? After all, I would want someone to do the same for my other two children I have yet to find. I would want my child and I to help. For my child to see me help in a time where I know he is safe.
What I cannot comprehend is the later scene from the hospital. The mom is getting the attention she needs in the best way the medical professionals can in a mass destruction situation. When she wakes, she asks her boy to go out and help the other people. Whoa! I was appalled of the thought of asking Little Man to separate himself from me in a natural disaster situation. To ask him to go help and see devastation that I feel his little mind is not ready for. What if I lost him in the chaos? What if he was taken? What if I never saw him again because of something I asked him to do?
Then it hit me. Would I allow my fears to keep him from serving outside of me? Is that something I would really be asked to do? What do I truly serve...God, or my fears? It's a lot for me to think about. As a parent we look to protect and teach, but where is the balance in this. I want my children to serve and know there are greater needs out there, but I want them to be safe. I want them to help those who need help, but not at the risk of losing them. So that, my friends, it what I am currently searching for. I am searching for balance in my parenting. Balancing between my job as a protector and my job as a teacher.
What are some things your family does to teach your children to serve? What does that look like for you? How do you keep the fears down when stepping outside your comfort zone in regards to your children?
Our main purpose for traveling up I-44 last weekend was not to reminisce of old times. It was to visit my grandparents. My grandma just got herself set up in an upscale apartment, and my grandpa was accepted into the VA in Mt. Vernon, MO. I have so many good memories of my grandparents and I love that the kids know Mimi and Great-Grandpa.
Mimi showed off the kids to all her new friends and gave us a tour of her new place. I have to say I was quite impressed with the restaurant and activities she has right there on site. Not to mention the beauty of the place.
When it was time to visit my grandpa, he treated all of us to ice cream. Of course, the kids LOVED that. I have some pretty special grandparents. They have really set a great example of how to manage money, but erring on the side of giving to others all the time. I wish everybody had the opportunity to experience grandparents like mine.
Aside from visiting my grandparents, we also took advantage of Springfield, MO wonderful parks. Our usual spot is a giant rock climbing, running trail, pond with ducks, and playground a couple of miles from the house. This time we visited Wilson-Rutledge City Farm Park. It is completely run by Springfield's Parks Department. It is one of a kind and a HUGE hit with the kids. They are already asking to go back.
My baby with the baby goats. I think he liked them. A lot.
Climbing fences are a must. Even if it says, "Do not climb the fence."
One of these days I will get a perfect picture of those 3!
This is how you milk a cow, right? We actually have dairy farmers in our family and I am quite certain they would shake their heads looking at this photo.
Needless to say, if you are ever in Springfield, MO this is the place to be. The highlight of the trip was watching the gigantic sow poop. Yes, you read that right. My highly educated and mature family watched the pig poop. We laughed, said, "ewww", and almost took a picture of it. Glad I didn't get that one, huh?
I-44 seems to be the interstate of choice for our family. Kind of a no brainer utilizing that interstate when almost all of our extended family lives in either Springfield, MO, St. Louis, MO, or Chicago, IL.
Almost always Steven and I have the same conversation about an hour and fifteen minutes into our drive. It goes like this...
ME: Hey, Honey?
STEVEN: Yep.
ME: You wanna take a tour of your favorite place?
STEVEN: Nope. Why would I want to visit that hell hole?
ME: (laughing) Just thought I'd ask.
About 15 years prior we took that exit full of hope and a little sadness. He was going to his first ever college football experience at NEO (Northeastern Oklahoma A&M Junior College). It was a sad time for us in our relationship, but an even harder time sports wise. Usually, 'hell hole' doesn't fit in our vocabulary, but that is exactly what that place was for him. No family other than his brother, nasty food, nasty dorms, nasty girls throwing themselves at future NFL prospects, coaches that use curse words like while talking about the local weather. It wasn't a good place.
So you can imagine my amazement when I struck up our usual conversation about taking exit 313, and Steven said, "Yeah, let's do it." I about choked on my own saliva, but there we were driving down the road to his old stomping grounds.
He actually really enjoyed going back. He loved showing Little Man his locker room, practice field, game field, and old dorm. Most of those places have been redone with the exception of the dorms. I'll let Little Man's words be known to you when he walked into his Daddy's old room, "Daddy, this is NOT a nice place." I didn't even go in. I knew what nastiness resided in there. EWWWW! Not to mention I was afraid Chubby Cheekers would touch something and contract a non-curable disease. As for Little Miss, she was too taken by the fountains to know anything else was going on. We hung out there waiting for the boys.
All in all, we are glad we stopped. It allowed us to reflect on how far we've come since 1998. Please also note the adorable photo bomber in the bottom corner. Picture compliments of Little Man.
