Balance and Presence and All That Stuff

I like to juggle.  Who am I kidding?  I suck at juggling.  I don't like to juggle.  The thought of it sounds cool, but the balls start flying and I get all anxious.  Anxious about the WHAT IF! 

What if I drop a ball?

What if I drop all the balls?

What if someone sees me drop the balls?

What if they laugh?

What if...what if...what if...

This, in theory sounds crazy.  Stressing out about juggling balls, but in real life  this is REAL.  I wear a lot of different hats, and if you are like 99.99999% of the American population, you wear a lot of hats too.  Case in point, it's 8:00am and I have already been a workout partner, a friend, a cook, a hair stylist, a tutor, a butt wiper, you get the point.  A lot of stuff has happened in the 3 short hours I have been awake. No doubt, there's a lot of other stuff that I still have to do, and will forget to do.  It's inevitable.

When the overwhelming feeling of all the jobs, all the chores, all the things I need to get done well up in my anxious self, I have to STOP.  Easier said than done.  Really.  I have to not only stop, but tell myself to stop, then follow my own directions and prioritize. 

Almost always I find myself in an anxious mode when I let life run it's course in my head.  I get distracted.  I forget what I'm doing.  I start something else. Get distracted. Forget what I'm doing again.  Pick up something else. Get distracted. Then BAM!!!  It's bedtime and I have all these half done jobs and nothing gets checked off my mental list.

There's my problem number one.  I keep a mental list instead of an actual tangible list where I can cross things off.  Problem #2?  I forget to be present in what I'm doing.

Presence is the very key for me living a balanced life.  I feel anxious when I let my thoughts and to-dos run wild in my head, instead of focusing and being present. Over the last two years, I remind myself often to be present in my activities.  In the time with my kids.  In the time I spend working.  In the time I spend being a friend.  In the time I spend with God.  In the time I spend at church.  In the time I spend being a wife.  Sounds super great, right? Uhhhh...notice I said I have spent TWO years working on this!  I am a multi-tasker by nature so the art of being present is something I work on DAILY.  Funny thing is, when I practice being present, I am not anxious.  I get WAY more done, and my family is happier. 

So today, I'm practicing presence...again. Something tells me I will be working on this tomorrow too.

And, because I work on a better me for these guys (and I like to show off my kids and nephews like trophies) you get a pic of the Torres Kids!

When Good is Good, But Great Is Better

TMI Alert...

I LOVE nursing!  I love the closeness, the cuddles, the baby breaths on my skin...I LOVE IT!!!

I HATE the breastpump.  The boob squeezing, tube sucking, devil machine.  It is awful.

Anytime I can avoid using the pump, I will.

Nursing is good.  Breastpump...ehhhhhhh.

All this glorious information is pertinent, I promise.

Yesterday my bestie and I scheduled a morning run, but the littliest Torres wasn't up just yet.  I would have rather nursed her, yet I decided to pump so I could run.  As I was getting ready to lace up my shoes, I heard her playing in the room.

Dang IT!!!  I could have saved myself a pumping session!!!

As I poured the milk into the bottle for Steven so he could feed her, Little Miss got all jumpy and said, "Mama, can I please feed her?!?!?"

She got her wish...

My plan of wanting to nurse the littlest Torres was good, but laying that down gave me the opportunity to see that good is good, but great was better.  I got to go run and Little Miss got to feed her sister for some bonding time.

This is true in almost every aspect of life.  Often times we buy into the lie that what we have is good, so looking for great is wrong.  NO!  Looking for great is what we are called to do.

Let me clarify one thing here.  If you're reading this and think, "My spouse is good, but I need great,"  STOP. RIGHT. THERE.  Your spouse is great.  Maybe you haven't helped uncover the greatness in them.  So, more than likely, the problem is you and YOU should lay down your good and become great for YOUR spouse.

But, since we aren't talking about that, I'm moving on.  I had to make that one little thing clear.

I can give you countless example after example of how this has proved true in our families' lives.  Jobs, children, church, school...all these things we have experienced good.  Then something was laid down before us.  We almost stepped over it because, after all, what we have is good.  Why would we trade it in for something else?  What if the new isn't as good as the old?  What if we weren't supposed to pick up the new in the first place?  What if...what if...what if...

We let fear take over.  Fear paralyzes us from living out our true calling or potential.  Pick up the dang thing!  Let yourself see that good is good, but great is better.  You can have great.  There is nothing wrong with saying, "What I have right now is good.  In fact, I love it.  BUT, what I'm picking up will take me to a place in life I could have never imagined."

Don't walk in fear today, or tomorrow for that matter.  Walk through whatever you need to, but let fear fall to wayside on the way.  Greater is He who is in you than who is in the world (1 John 4:4).  You have already won.  Just walk it out.

Willingness To Be Misunderstood

Have you ever put yourself out there only to find out you were misunderstood?  Yeah, me neither.

I kid.  I put myself out there a lot, and I'm okay with being misunderstood.  A few years ago?  Never.  I would have really cared about what people thought of my motives instead of focusing on the true nature of my motives.

That's the thing with living outside of your comfort zone.  People often misunderstand your heart and your intentions.  It happens to us all.  The more you step out of your comfort zone, the more opportunities you have to be misunderstood. 

I've found this to be true time and time again.  Running my own organization through Arbonne offers lots of moments where I am misunderstood. I'm okay with this. I'm okay with knowing, and outsiders not knowing, the beautiful stories of people who I have partnered with as they worked on better health, better skin, or better finances.  They know my heart.   As for others who see a skewed view of who I am or what I do, it's okay!  The truth will always be made light.  It is the same for you.

We can walk through life and try to prove who we are to the world.  That's not needed, and often times we are trying so hard to prove who we are, we unintentionally lose sight of ourselves and our passions.  The truth is we have already been proved through Christ.  We have a list of all the things God says we are...friends, heirs, wonderfully made, conquerors, and many more.  All the more reasons why we need to protect our hearts, live with good intentions, shine a light for Him, and have the willingness to be misunderstood.  And, might I add the willingness to be misunderstood without putting up a fight.

Now, if you really want to know about what I do and how I came to be apart of Arbonne, I really encourage you to listen to my story tonight at 8:30pm CST via a conference call.  The flyer below has the dial in number, and reference number you will be prompted to enter.  Then you just listen.  

Whether you are curious of how one builds an organization or what Arbonne is, this is a time to discover the answers.  It's also a time where you can be completely nosy and nobody knows!!!  Like a fly on the wall.

(screen shot the info for faster reference)

Rest

You know those little teacup rides?  Almost every theme park has some version of them.  The kind you sit in and feel all cute, then it gets going and all of a sudden you can't see straight?  Your stomach starts churning...mouth waters...and you begin to wonder why you thought it was a good idea to step on the little puke inducing ride in the first place.  I mean, I don't even really like tea to begin with.  Why would I sit in a teacup???

That is my life.  At this very moment.  A teacup spinning so fast it makes me a bit nauseous and always wondering, 'How did I end up here?'  Life moving a bit too fast.  Life seeming a bit too full. 

For fear of over-complicating life, I did the only thing I could think of; re-evaluate each area I was experiencing stress.  Surely something could fall to the wayside.

Nope.

After carefully consideration, there wasn't anything I was willing to let go.  All my roles, responsibilities, activities, etc are things I want to do.  Things that energize me.  So if they are energizing to me in thought, why do I feel stressed in real life???  Something was out of whack and I needed to put my finger on it.  I decided to tune myself into my stress.  As I started to feel stressed throughout the day, I (for real) asked myself questions.  Like one gigantic nut case walking myself through serious issues.  My thoughts were like this...

Why am I feeling stressed?
Can I do anything about the stress?
Could the stress have been avoided?
What's for dinner tonight?

Yeah, so that last one shows you how much of a nut case I truly am!

In the end, I realized one common thing.  I am relying on my own abilities and talents instead of resting.  Resting in knowing God has gifted me in areas, but I am not responsible for creating outcomes.  I am responsible for being a good steward of my gifts and turning over what I cannot control to Him.  It is completely out of line to utilize my abilities and then fret if the outcome will measure up to MY standards.  Making the things that I enjoy about ME instead of about HIM.

My head has been so wrapped up in capturing every thought and making it obedient to Christ.  I'm not gonna lie.  This. Is. Hard. For. Me.  For someone who is goal driven and results oriented, worrying comes naturally by my flesh.  That flesh of mine, well, she likes to analyze and worry and fret and analyze some more.  Such a vicious cycle.  But it's stopping.  This week as I complete a task or project and get to the point where the outcome is out of my control, I rest.  I pray.  I open His Word.  I read.  I rest.

I'm not sure if you experience the crazy life, and it may come in seasons for you, but I encourage you to find rest as well.  

Throw Away People

A few nights ago I was reading my new favorite book, Undaunted by Christine Caine.

 

 It has touched a lot of sensitive areas in my life.  Where do I stand helping others?  How much of my own comfort am I willing to give up for that help?  Am I really living a Christ like life?  How much do I value others' lives over my own?  Are my priorities straight?  

All these questions floating around.  It takes a lot of self-reflection and honestly some of the answers I don't like because I'm selfish.  I like my time.  I like my space.  I like my family.  Then the disgust sets in for all that liking of time and space because in the end will I be satisfied to answer the question, "Did I do enough?"

We don't get to heaven by works or being a good person or living by the right rules.  We get there by the acceptance of what Jesus did for us, but what I mean is did I do enough with what I was given?   Did I use my gifts and talents?  Did I use the resources I was given in the proper manner?

Here's a perfect example.

My mom and I were talking the other day and she mentioned how she feels we live in a society where people are looked at as throw aways. We see this all the time in life.  The teenagers that are dressed funky.  The homeless on the street.  The provocatively dressed young lady.  How many times do we walk by in judgement?  We assume we know why they are the way they are.  We assume we know what's caused them to be in this time and place.  We assume there is nothing we can do to help.

Wrong.

I love how Christine Caine put this kind of topic in her book.  I've read it a handful of times and each time it inspires me to search harder for what I can do to display this kind of love.

No matter how deep the pit or dark the night, I will always look for you and rescue you because I love you with an everlasting love.  You are precious to me.  Even when you mess up, even when you're careless or mistaken or afraid or broken or weak, I still love you.  Even when you are incapable of doing anything for anyone, including yourself, I still love you.  And just as I come for you, I come for all those who have made mistakes, and those who are overlooked, for those devalued and despised.  I come for all the wrong people--the careless and uncared for, the merry and the miserable.  I come for the lost, whether the lost is a silly sheep, a silver coin, or a squandering son. (pg 135, Undaunted)

If Jesus searches for these people, cares for these people, loves these people, then WHY AREN'T WE???  We are not helpless individuals.  We are powerful in Christ.  When you see this kind of passion spilled out on the pages of a book, how can I think, "There's not much I can do.  It's just the way it is."  People are not throw aways.  They are not old shoes.  They are not wasted spaces.  There are treasures deep inside waiting, waiting, for YOU!  

I pray you find your niche, your calling, into how you are to serve others.  We are not all called in the same way, but we are called for something.

Consumed and Broken

Does that not sound like the most depressing title ever?  It's totally not, but then again it's a truth.  This past week has been a growing season.  An emotional 'I Must Be Seriously Pregnant' growing season.

A prime example is me fighting back tears most of the morning while running errands.  Here's why...

 

You see all those red dots?  They stand for someone who needs life change.  True life change that comes from the purest love.  God's love.  Last night we walked through our sections and prayed over the names of people. The hardest hit one...My Marriage.  Someone, who sat very near to us, came to church for hope.  Hope for their marriage.  I sat my big 'ol rear right in that chair and cried and prayed.

The truth is we get so selfish in our own worlds, in our own circumstances, in our own bubbles, in our own circle of friends, in our own families...we fail to recognize or even ASK ourselves into someone else's world.

This very idea of where I stand in selfishness has consumed me, and I am broken about it. 

For months we have served at Tulsa Homeless Outreach.  We have built relationships with certain individuals.  We know their struggles.  We know their history.  We know their shames.  We know their needs.  We help fill their immediate needs.  We pray with them.  We leave. 

Up until now, that has been my level of comfort.  Then there's that nudge.   

More.  Do more.  This is just the beginning.

Ummmm, yeah.  Actually, I'm good right here. Right here in the arena of my own selfish comfort zone.  I mean, isn't meeting basic needs enough?  That other stuff is a messy job.  Isn't there someone more qualified to do that part? 

So here's where it got messy for me.

Our calling this weekend was to fill our personal seats in church with someone who needs it.  Immediately the name Amy popped into my mind.  I know a gazillion Amy's.  I'm going down the list like roll call on the first day of school and none are settling.  By this point I'm totally frustrated at what stinkin' Amy I am supposed to get in touch with.  Ahhhhhhhhh!!!  (Such the patient spirit, I know!)

Then it hits me.  Amy, mother of 6.  All of which are dispersed throughout OK's foster care.  Amy, drug addict who put down the needle a few months ago, but still has an addiction to meth.  Amy, who is on and off the streets.  Amy, who has sought out the help of my mother and myself.  Amy, who is walking into churches for help and being turned away.

This. Is. Messy.  

Where is my back up team for help?

Answer: Greater is He who is in me, than in the world. -1 John 4:4

Yep, that's the answer I got.  Twice. 

So out of my comfort zone I went to ask Amy to be my personal guest at church.  She was super responsive.  In asking what she needed to feel comfortable in church she said, "A bra."  So bra shopping I went today.  

(SIDE STORY:  I love my own precious offspring made note that I didn't have boobies to fit into something that big when I was choosing one I thought she'd like and then AGAIN the next aisle over.  Yeah, those kids are PRECIOUS!  Explaining why I was purchasing a bra for someone else was also interesting.)

My next step is figuring out how to get Amy to church.  Where is a safe place to meet her and what other companion is going with me to pick her up?  Although, I know I am the person she knows and trusts to get her to church, I still have a responsibility to protect my own children.  My kids know Amy fairly well, but riding in a car right now with her is not something we are ready to expose our kids to just yet.  They need some protection and filter right now.  So Steven will be taking the kids in one car and I will be picking up Amy in another.  I know these details will iron out, but do you see where I am in the mess?  

It's a beautiful mess, but a mess.  And here's what I know.  Her 6 kids are counting on someone to be a liaison with their mother.  Someone to get her to the place where she can have an intimate relationship with God.  Which is the only way her life will change for good and change the life for her children. 

Amy is hungry for change, but trying to do it on her own on the streets.  I'll keep you posted on this journey, but I wanted you to know why there has been an absence.  It's been an emotional week.  Wonderful, but emotional.  So if you catch me crying in public, now you know why.  I'm only half crazy this time around!

We Are Excited to Announce...

We're having TWINS!  Oh my gosh.  I've always wanted to say that.  Too bad it's not true.  There's just one little girl growing in there, but I got you, huh???

I do have an exciting announcement though!

After 11 years of serving and growing at Church on the Move, we are going through some BIG changes.  Changes that launch THIS weekend.

For years, COTM has reached hundreds of people, but what I love about our church is the constant motion of moving forward to serve more and meet the needs of people.  After years of researching, Church on the Move is launching SECTIONS!!!

Basically, Sections is focusing on joining a small section in the large church to form closer relationships so we can create community through serving.  Think of it as creating a bunch of smaller churches within a big church.

Here's the breakdown of the sections...

 

You see that Section, 2B???  Well...that's US!!!  Steven and I are so excited to announce that we will be leading this section.  I want to personally invite you to be apart of our Section.  We are Saturday nighters at 6:00pm.  We'll be there right when the doors open to meet and get to know you as well as after service.  If Church on the Move has always been a place you love to learn at, but it just felt too big, too much, this is your chance to get personal.  Even if our Section isn't a fit for you, we will help you find the Section that feels like home to you.  For the last few weeks, we have been meeting with all the Section leaders and we are a wide variety of people.  It's awesome!!!

I don't want to forget to mention, Steven and I will be passing out Bio Cards with us on it.  At the very least you are welcome to come and get some giggles at us on a card.  I know it will crack me up!  What's not going to crack me up is seeing all the changed lives.  The people who need connections, need community, and watching them flourish into serving others.  That's the true gift right there.  We all need that whether we think we do or not.  It's an exciting time for COTM and I would like nothing more than for you to be apart of it with us.

Not Superwoman

After announcing Sunday that #4 was on the way, I had a sweet friend refer to me as Superwoman for running a half pregnant (Thanks, Alison.  You know how to make a girl feel awesome). Unfortunately, I need to make a few things very clear here.  I am nowhere near Superwoman.  Unless Superwoman forgets where she puts her keys, loses a child in a school assembly, and has uber dusty furniture.  If all of those things are true, then YES!  I am Superwoman.

So here's the real truth behind my 13.1 mile race on Sunday.

First off, I haven't been able to run over 4 miles in a month to a month in a half.  My knee has been giving me so much problems at mile 3 that I can only tough it out until mile 4. Then I throw in the towel.  That was a set back.

Couple that with trying to train with the bestie and not being able to keep up a conversation because I was so out of breath.  BAM!  I realize.  Holy Smokes!  I am pregnant!!!  Set back #2.

I'll skip all the details in between so you don't have to sort through all of my junk.  You just need to know that up until Saturday night I wasn't even sure if I was going to run/walk the race.  My mind kept playing ping-pong between yes-no, yes-no, yes-no.  I'm fairly certain Steven and Erica wanted to check me into a psychiatric facility for schizophrenia.  They heard it all.  BUT...

Here's what got me...Could I realistically finish the race safely? 

The answer was easy.  Yes, I could finish the race.  My whiny self just didn't want to finish the race.  I wanted to use the pregnancy and my knee as an excuse because I knew I would not be able to finish the race in 2 hours like I'd planned.  Since 'Like I Planned' wasn't going to happen, I wanted to quit.

How many times do I ask my kids not to quit?  How many times do I say, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."  I needed to prove to myself that circumstances do not define me.  I needed to get over my pride of being a faster runner.  I needed to get over the fact that people would pass me, I wouldn't be passing them.  I needed to get over the fact that I had limitations.

Let me tell you.  I finished that race in 2 hours and 58 minutes and WALKED about 6.5 miles of it.  It was humbling.  I mean I am stuffed full of humble pie.  Like cannot get another bite in.  People were passing me left and right.  I was walking when everyone else was running.  I took 4, FOUR, potty stops during the course.  I learned a lot during that 3 hours, and I want to share some revelations with you...

• Walking 6.5 miles briskly is really difficult.  The soles of my feet feel like stone bruises, my hip flexors and lower back were on fire, and my butt is out of this world tender!  
• Running and walking allowed me the opportunity to see way more than if I was running for time.  I got to high five every single kid with their hand out and read every sign. (I need to do a little repenting because I also told every kid their high five was the best)  The high fives and signs were cracking me up.
• Runner's stink.  I have major pregnancy nose right now.  I can smell anything a mile away.  So for 2 hours and 58 minutes I smelled all sorts of funk.  One lady's sign said "1 and 100 people poop their pants while running".  My nose can attest to that.  I caught whiffs of poop, B.O., mildew, and every ethnic smell in between.  At times I was gagging.  However, those smells did encourage me to keep moving faster.  So for that I am grateful.
• Watch what you say and how you think of yourself.  About mile 11, a group of girls jogged passed me as I was taking a walk break.  They were jogging at a snail's pace, taking up a large space and bumping people that were walking so they could stay side by side.  As the girl bumps into me she says, "All these walkers are WEARING ME OUT!"  Whew!  I almost let her have it.  I was furious.  First off, did she know that I would SMOKE her in any other race? (Told you I have some pride issues to work on) Did she know that if she ran faster, she wouldn't be near walkers?  Did she know that the lady next to me that was 300+ lbs was dying to just walk out this race?  It reminded me that no matter where you finish in the race, people are doing their best.  Run for you, and encourage people even if they are in your way.  I also learned that I should have punched her in the face, because I am still mad about it.  Pray for me.
• If you have the urge to pee, just go.  Don't assume there will be another porta potty at the next mile marker.  At mile 9 I sorta needed to pee, but didn't want to stop running.  Instead, I thought I'll walk when I get to mile 10 and go to the bathroom there.  Nope, no mile 10 pee pee stops.  Mile 11 passes.  No bathroom.  I had to go so bad so I thought, "I'll run until I get to the next porta potty."  Uh, HUGE mistake.  Started running and started tinkling in my pants.  Yes, that happened.  Little dribbles.  So awesome.  I walked until mile 12 where I finally found a bathroom.  It was so bad I almost asked the people in Heritage Hills neighborhood if I could use their restroom.  

Through all of the wishy-washy thinking I am so thankful I completed this race.  It took a lot of endurance and mental toughness.  I have not ran by myself in years.  Being out there alone for that long allowed for a lot of thinking and praying.  Just thinking about that race, I get so emotional.  Even with the crappy time, I am the most proud of myself for finishing this race than any other race I have completed before.  This was something special.

Honestly, this was not so much about me as it was about what Christ has done for me and in me.  I had two very popular scriptures that kept replaying every time self-doubt crept in while I was on that course.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philipians 3:14

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Phillipians 4:13

This is what kept me going.  I have a capable body.  God has blessed me with health.  I thought of all the people who would love to be in my shoes.  I thought of this video and story.  Get ready.  It's a tear jerker.

Just in case the video doesn't automatically show up, you can watch it here.

With that, I need you to know I am no Superwoman.  I have been equipped with strength.  I am the daughter of the Most High God.  I am blessed.  For one moment, I finally decided to put my mind in the same frame as what God says about me and completed what God knew I could do.  Just as this father did for his son, but in a much higher magnitude.

 

I AM That Crazy Lady

Mornings are a bit of a mad dash.  All 5 of us need to be in the cars backing out at 7:30am.  I guess I could help out in this regard if I woke up earlier on non-workout days, but if you tell Steven that I will HURT you.  Like really hurt you.  Like track you down and pull each finger nail out one by one.  I say that in the most loving way possible.

Anyway, getting out the door...it's an Olympic decathlon in which I am nowhere near the front, but once we're in the car I try to make the best use of our time before the kids are off at school.  We sing and joke and practice for tests and some days just chat. 

Yesterday, we were singing and the song Do Something by Matthew West was on.  Insert the crazy lady crying in her car.  The basis of this song is how angry we get when we see or hear of injustices and then we shake our fists at God asking why He doesn't do something about it.

Except He did. 

He made me and you.

We are the 'Do Somethings'.

The great part of us being the 'Do Somethings' is we aren't all the same doers.  We think and do differently, and I have the most perfect example of doing the do differently.

 My friend has the most beautiful heart.  She asked if she and her kids could join us in serving with the Tulsa Homeless Outreach last March.  I was thrilled.  She asked what to bring and I suggested drinks.  She loaded up her coolers with over 100 pops.  She filled a need of thirst and spoiled the homeless with something other than water. 

Don't get me wrong, water is GREAT!  We take water every month, but something new is always nice.  That pop was wiped out in about 5 minutes, and the men and women who were receiving smiled ear to ear.  I loved seeing their faces.  I loved that Sarah, my friend, said yes to serving that day. 

But, that's not what I wanted to share.  She brought what I suggested and something else. Something I would have never thought of.  Something so precious it still gets me a little weepy and emotional.  She brought 100 long stem roses for her boys to give to the women there.

 

Is that not the most thoughtful, sweet, precious thing you ever heard of???  In NO way would I have ever thought of that.  What was even more beautiful was it wasn't just the women looking for flowers, the men loved them as well.  Just like James and his newest puppy Little Man (I found that completely hilarious since our oldest in Little Man too).

 (If someone could shed a little light on what the heck MY kid is doing, it would be greatly appreciated.   I think he's trying to shoot a basket, but WHY is beyond me....)

The point to all of this is you can do something.  Maybe money and resources is what you are lacking.  Give time.  Maybe time is what you are lacking.  Give money and resources.  However, I've noticed in our lives giving what we have the least of is exactly what we needed to give in the first place.  Being apart of the Tulsa Homeless Outreach has enriched our lives in indescribable ways.  Our family loves meeting new people, listening to their needs and fulfilling those needs.  It is our greatest love language.

So here I am today challenging to Do Something and I'm going to list a few ways to get involved.  Sometimes it's lack of knowledge that keeps us from getting our hands and feet moving.  Here are a few ways to make a difference...

• Volunteer to spend time with children at hospitals whose family members cannot be with them during the week.  My sweet friend, Lisa, noticed one day how many young children were all alone at the hospital because parents HAD to work to pay the bills.  She is now doing something about that.
• Volunteer to form relationships with the elderly at nursing homes.  My mom is so wonderful about this.  She takes such great care of my grandma in Springfield, MO.  She's there a couple of times a month.  What I love about her is she doesn't just meet my grandma's needs, she offers her services to the other ladies and gentlemen at the retirement center.  When she is home, she helps care for a woman in a local nursing home.  She called the director and asked who had relatives living out of state.  She wanted help relieve the stress off those caregivers while forming a relationship with a new person.
• Have a Beautification Day.  Pick up the trash at a local park.  Plant some flowers for a neighbor.  Mow someone's yard.  Buy some landscaping for an organization who is struggling.
• Find out what needs local food banks have and start collecting.  
• Adopt children through programs like Compassion International or Mission of Hope.  We sponsor Luis and Lesly.  Luis is Little Man's age, both born on November 6th, and Lesly is Little Miss's age, both born on October 15th.  In a year or so, Chubby Cheekers will get to form a special relationship with a child that was born on February 16th just like him.  This has been such a blessing to our family.  The kids have someone specific to pray for and love on despite having never met them.  We have dreams of going to Luis' home village in Peru and Lesly's hometown in Mexico and physically hugging their necks.  I can't even contain the emotions just thinking about it.  

These are just a few ways out of MILLIONS for you to get involved.  I can only promise you one thing.  You will turn into that crazy lady who is driving her kids to school bawling over a song about doing something.  Yeah, I said it.  I'm crazy.  Like you didn't know...

And if you are curious about the song I referenced, here ya' go...

A Splinter In My Foot: A Lesson In Removing the Unneccesary

About a month ago I was walking across the wood floor with my socks on and got a splinter in my foot.  I guess that tells you we have been slacking on polishing the floors, huh?  That's not the point though.  I mean, we have slacked, but that stinkin' splinter taught me a huge lesson.

Right after it happened I grabbed my tweezers and pulled it out.  At least I thought I pulled it out.  The next few days I realized there had to still be a splinter in my foot because anytime I put pressure on my foot it was uncomfortable.

But, guess what?  I got busy and never did anything about it.  It was uncomfortable, but life could still go on.  Babies needed booties wiped.  Kids needed to be fed.  Duty called, and not for a splinter.

A few more days went by and I realized I was walking on the side of my foot to avoid putting pressure on it.  That little splinter had become more and more painful with each step.  Since I was having to alter the way I walked, I took the time to try and deal with that inconvenient little splinter.  Problem was, new skin had already grown over it.  It was going to take some work and time.

I tried almost every Pinterest how to on getting out a splinter.  I think some of the remedies helped, but really it was probably the large sterilized needle I had to use to break the skin.  Yeah, doctoring myself.  Not something I suggest unless getting yourself to the doctor takes an act of Congress for you to be able to go.

I digress.

Once the skin soften and I picked away at the new skin...and pinched...and poked....and dug...and pushed, I was able to grab the tip of the miniscule splinter and pull it out.  That thing was the size of tick's leg.  Seriously, how could something so little cause me to alter the way I walk for days on end?

If I had just dealt with it right from the git go, then I could have avoided all that pain. Instead, I took what I thought was going to be the easier route.  Just act like it wasn't there and it would stop hurting.  Brilliant idea, Amanda.

This only happened once to my foot, but guess what?  This happens often in my regular life.  How many times have I walked differently because I refused to remove the unnecessary elements in my life?  How many times did I think, "It doesn't hurt that bad.  I can deal with this.  It will go away."

Only it doesn't.  Not only does it not go away, but it gets bigger and hairier and nastier.  Then, I have to deal with the issue when it is bigger, hairier, and nastier.  It takes more work to fix than if I just took care of it from the beginning.  

It so reminds me of our spirited Chubby Cheekers.  Man, he is a passionate kid.  He loves, but he also has a very clear picture of how things should go.  Most of the time it is in the opposite direction of where Steven and I think he should go.  Being that I birthed that little boy, he gets to submit to me.  And, given that Steven is the man of the house, Chubby Cheekers gets to submit to him too.   It's a wonderful time.  So wonderful that sometimes, I think it would be easier to give into his little desires and tantrums and fits.  Seems like a good idea until those tantrums and fits get bigger and hairier and nastier.  Then I think, "This would have been SO much easier if I would have taken care of it when it was small and seemingly insignificant."

Am I the only one going through this here?  Maybe it's not your spirited child, but I can replay countless scenarios in my life where nippin' it in the bud would have been the path of least resistance.  Removing the unnecessary keeps me from pain. It keeps me in line with where God is taking me.  I know I shouldn't fight it, but gosh darn it, I sometimes do. 

Even though the splinter in my foot wasn't pleasant, it sure brought about a lot of revelations to my life.  I hope it helps you too.  At the very least, if you get a splinter you should definitely take care of it pronto!

Limitation

For most of you this probably will seem like a gigantic whine session.  Let me be real.  It is a whine session.  Negative Nancy at her best.

Since November I have been struggling with severe knee pain while running.  It'll begin at mile 2 or before.  I can feel my IT band tightening and BAM!  Suddenly there is stabbing pain on the outside of my knee.  It is frustrating. 

Most of you know how competitive I am with myself.  I don't mind if others beat me, but only if I have given it my all.  With this inconvenient knee pain, I've had to really take a step back in challenging myself.  It is frustrating.

My girl time involves of running.  There is nothing like an early morning run for an hour or two followed by a big 'ol breakfast with a bestie.  Not being able to run far enough to constitute a big 'ol breakfast...It is frustrating.

So there's a few of  my whines and belly aches about my knee.  It all really hit the fan on Saturday.  The biggest belly aching of all is about to come out.  The nasties of my attitude is about to show.  I hope you're ready for me to unleash the beast.

I took off a whole week of running over Spring Break.  This past weekend, we were scheduled to do 8 miles.  At mile 3 I had to stop.  Limiting my partner as well.  Began running again at mile 4, then finally stopped for good at mile 5.  I felt so defeated and was trying to keep the tears in.  My mind went nowhere else other than negativity and defeat.

How are you going to complete 13.1 if you can't get passed 3?
You can't do this?
You will never beat your PR time.
You should quit.
You should find someone else to run in your place.

It hurt.  I came home from that run and cried.  Cried like a baby.  Over a knee.  It seriously happened.

At times like this I am thankful for my wonderful husband who comforts and listens.  He didn't offer any advice.  Just comforted and listened and got me some ice. 

That night we had church.  I love our church, but sitting there waiting for service to start my knee was killing me from being in one position.  Standing up for praise and worship was not fun.  Going through the songs and focusing on what is truly important, my mind cleared and I was able to have true wisdom poured into me.

My circumstances do not define who I am or how my health is at the moment.

I will run this race even if I have to walk half of it.

I will get over the fear of going through a long race without my trusty side kick.  I will go at it alone.

During the race I will spend my time focusing on strength from God.

I will have to learn how to get music on my phone. (I never run with headphones...Erica and I talk the entire time)

I will get over the original time I had set in my head and do the best with what I have been given.

I will not be defeated.

I don't know what you are going through.  It could be something as basic and babyish as what I'm dealing with or it could be BIG.  Although my race in April is not life altering, it is a moment that will alter my thinking.  I refuse to let the negativity run me. 

 

If you have not read the book Greater by Steven Furtick, I suggest you get on Amazon and buy it now.  Not allowing negativity to run rampant is leading to my greater life.  And, I want to leave you with this...

I pray that you will not be satisfied with living on the fumes of what God did in your life yesterday but that every day will be a new chance to encounter God in a fresh new way.  I pray you will realize that your relationship with God is only as strong as your most recent encounter with Him.  I pray that you won't be content with hearing about how others have walked with God powerfully but that you will walk powerfully with Him yourself.

Steven Furtick, Greater 

So whether I run the whole thing or walk a bit I plan on spending that time to encounter God in a fresh new way.  Activating a strength that can only come from Him.

On a lesser note, I will now accept applications on how to get music on my phone.

Turning the Hearts

I have done this whole 'Yes/No' dance in my head all day.  Do I?  Do I not?  Is what I'm really trying to get across going to come across that way?  OR, is it a 'Look at what we're doing' type thing?

So it came down to this...

Yesterday I met a man named Larry.  Little Man and I had the opportunity to hand Larry some brand new socks and put them in his new back pack.  The one he traded out for his holey Walmart sack.  Then Chunky Monkey and Little Miss handed Larry a new toothbrush, soap, and toothpaste. Larry was friendly, had a spark in his eye, and knew what he wanted.  Larry let us in his world.  Let us serve him and in turn let us open up to a little more love.  Through his hurt, he still had joy.  I am thankful for him.

We live a pretty cush life here at the Torres household.  In fact, having a home puts us in the top percentage of wealthiest people in the world.  Puts a little perspective in life, right?  Yes, you, having a home makes you rich compared to the total population on Earth.  Being in the upper percentage of cush life livers, we wanted to make sure we extend ourselves even in inconvenient times to show others what you have or do not have makes no difference on the quality of love you receive.  A person is a person no matter how small...  I love me some Dr. Suess!

I digress...

When I started our list of service projects each month for 2014, I thought it would serve at different places each month allowing the kids to find their passion in serving.  After spending an hour at Tulsa Homeless Outreach, I knew we were to go back next month.  Watching and helping people find what they were needing, I realized we have those things in our home...unused...just sitting there...collecting dust...overabundance...doing nothing.  I couldn't NOT go back.

So this is where we stand for February.  My little family of 5 will be meeting at 11th & Denver on February 23rd @ 3pm again.  In the meantime, the needs we saw is what I am asking for.  If you would like to help, here's what would be great...

• Socks.  Ladies' and Men's.  Darker colors work best because you can't tell if they are dirty.  The black ones went first.  White ones were taken, but only after all the black ones were gone.
• Shoes.  Sturdy comfortable shoes.  I witnessed a man in flimsy house shoes trying to find shoes in his size.  His foot looked to be about a 13, like Steven's, but he settled for a much smaller shoe and put them on.  OUCH!  Can you imagine settling for a shoe 2-3 sizes too small?
• Backpacks.  Again, dark colors and pockets galore.  Duffle bags work too!
• Individual sized snacks, travel size wipes, bottled water, band-aids, toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss...my mom had a great idea of making blessing bags to pass out. 

I realize many of you love visuals.  I didn't take my phone for pictures because I had this feeling in my own head of, "Look what we're doing."  That's where I am so thankful for my SIL.  She had her phone and made it so natural to take pictures.  She is gifted in so many ways I am not.  I love her to pieces.  So here's our kiddos stepping out and serving.

 Could we all take a moment and pay some respects to the lady pushing the stroller?  That's me.  My mom is in the blue. Don't confuse us.  I am the one who had run 4 miles, rushed to a pedicure I earned from Arbonne, and then never showered.  Let's all say it together...'Ewwwwww!'  I'm not gonna lie.  I was stinky!

 

 The kids getting right in and helping people find items they needed.

 

I want to brag on Chunky Monkey for a bit.  My nephew has always been so shy to meet new adults.  Like hide behind you and not want to look.  Not while serving.  He went up to every person and asked if they wanted a new toothbrush, floss, or toothpaste.  In fact, he asked so many that he was out of brushes before anyone else.  He has always had such a compassionate heart towards others. We were blown away on his ability to remove his own fears because compassion took over.

I would love to have you join us in February.  Until then, please partner with our family in collecting these goods!

Rest

I have a love hate relationship with my alarm.  When that thing goes off in the wee hours of the morning, I want to literally throw it through the wall.  Instead, I drag my sorry self out of bed, put on the workout clothes, wash off the drool remnants and eye boogies, and head out the door for some exercise. 

After I'm done, it's all love.  I loved the workout.  I loved getting up and home before anyone in my family is awake.  I love sitting in my living room in silence aligning my thoughts and spirit for the day.

Monday I began re-reading the book of Daniel in the Bible.  Great book.  Highly recommend it.  Adventure.  Crazy people.  Focused people.  Amazing. 

I was in chapter two reading about the king who wanted to kill all of his wise men because no one was able to interpret a dream he was refusing to tell.  Basically, he wanted the wise men to read his mind.  Seriously?  No man can do it.  The king then became outraged and ordered every wise man to be killed.  Uh, mentally unbalanced much?

Daniel, exuding awesomeness, pleaded with one of the king's most high men for a little more time.  Once he was granted the time, Daniel asked his closest friends to pray for God to reveal the king's dream and the meaning of the dream.  Then Daniel went to sleep. 

Ummm, hold up?  He could be killed tomorrow and he went to sleep?  He wasn't tossing and turning all night.  Bawling his eyes out.  Frantically calling his family and friends.  Posting his drama on Facebook.  He asked his friends to pray and believe God would reveal the king's dream, then went to bed.

Funny thing.  In Daniel's moment of rest, God answered his prayer in a vision...a dream.  Daniel believed God would come through.  He wasn't stressed.  He slept, and in his sleep the answer was revealed.

How many times have I been faced with a trivial situation and laid in bed mulling over what to do...what to do...what to do...

Did I ever find answers during those mulling sessions?  No.  During those times I kinda need to do Daniel's method.  Pray and rest.  I'm all about resting and I am thankful for God's command to rest in Him.  I can do that.  If he came through for Daniel, he is more than capable to come through for me.  So that's my focus.  Just a little resting in Him.

Helpless

Last October I was able to witness one man accomplish his biggest goal yet.  A marathon through Chicago.  I really cannot express enough how incredibly honored and proud I was (and still am) to be his wife.  Steven trained for so long and struggled through mile 23-26 in his race to accomplish his goal.

That trip will forever be etched in my mind.  It was an extended weekend of watching people achieve great feats of courage and stamina, it was a time to spend with our greatest friends, and it was a time focusing on each other without kids around.  All of those memories bring such tremendous feelings of thankfulness, but there is a little dark spot on the weekend that I haven't shared with anyone.  Because, you know what?  I'm bothered and embarrassed by it.

Monday, after the race, we spent time on Magnificent Mile to shop and allow Steven and Erica (she also ran the marathon) some time to work out their legs before hopping on a plane.  As we were heading from over priced store to over priced store, we walked passed a man who was very clearly struggling.  He was wearing a hospital gown struggling to push a barely functioning walker down the street in the opposite direction as everyone else.  He literally passed by my right shoulder so closely that I had to pull my arm in a bit or I would have knocked into him.

As I looked down, I was able to catch a glimpse of why he needed a walker in the first place.  His right foot was wrapped in bandages covering his toes that were barely there.  Just bloody stumps that were grotesquely infected.  My heart hurt from the 2 second glance.  I heard a little voice in my spirit that said, "Help him," but I did nothing.  An overwhelming feeling of helplessness came over me.  We were leaving in a few short hours.  I didn't see any nearby places to get food.  What was I to do?  How was I to help?  I had so many thoughts, yet I did NOTHING.

I can't tell you how often I think of that man.  I know nothing of his life story.  I know not if he was on drugs.  He was very clearly dazed, but honestly would I be if I were him?  Possibly.  I wouldn't want to live that life.  Bottom line he is a person.  A man living, breathing, walking, and hurting.  I did nothing.  It shames me and motivates me at the same time.

This year I have mentioned our family is focusing on one service project each month.  At first, I wanted to ease into it.  Go with something that required little time and effort and gradually increase the service.  That serves no one, but me and my own convenience.  After a little digging I came across the Tulsa Homeless Outreach Program.  That prompted me to touch that sore spot of not obeying the call to help.  Although I cannot go back and fix my mistake, I can make some proactive changes.

For the next week or so, we are collecting gently used adult backpacks (we are good on kid backpacks) and new adult and children socks to pass out those in Tulsa who are homeless, living in their cars, or transitioning to apartment living.  I've heard all kinds of comments since announcing this.  Comments of praise and comments of concern.  Here's what I stand on...

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better.  It's not."

-Dr. Suess, The Lorax

My family is not there to judge why someone is on the streets, or who will get what based on how I think they'll receive a gift.  My family is there to show that we care.  We care that people are living lives less than what we have right now.  We care that people are hurting.  We care that people have dependency issues.  We care.  So if not caring does nothing and betters nothing, than by golly...WE CARE!  That's our only motivation.  

My kids may be disturbed by what they see.  They may be uncomfortable.  Heck, I know I'll be uncomfortable, but I'm looking forward to serving.  

If this is something you are interested in joining, please let me know and I will pass on the details.  Regardless if this is your area to help serve, I encourage to find somewhere to plug yourself into and make a difference...your church, your work, your relationships...lots of opportunities!  As you serve, would you share with me?  It might just peak my interest and I can add it to our monthly lists!

Serve My Flesh, Serve My Feelings, Serve Nothing

Man, did I wake up to some stinky news yesterday morning.  Put me in some kind of bad funky mood.  Kind of bad mood where you pick of the phone and vent.  You feel bad for the friend who got that call, right?  You should.

Here's the deal.  The news I received really wasn't bad news.  It was the manner in which I was ready to handle the news.  I wasn't.  I wasn't ready for my day.  I made a fatal mistake.

I was lying in bed with a quiet house and not one of the Little Torreses was awake yet.  That in itself is a little miracle.  I awoke on my own without an alarm and there wasn't a child standing next to my bed asking for breakfast.  What I should have done was reach over and grab my Bible and journal, but I let my flesh decide what to do.  I reached for my iPad...

Hmmmm, let's see what's coming through on email this morning.

And there it was.  My no good terrible news staring me in the face.  It seriously put my feelings in a funk.  Then my thoughts started chasing my feelings.  No bueno.  It took a good portion of the day to refocus my thoughts and control my feelings to where I wanted them to go...back to peace and happiness.

So as I was spending my morning regrouping, it became even more clear.  I could have avoided this entire situation.  Had I denied my flesh of wanting to check in with my little world BEFORE checking in with God, then I would have been prepared to handle a stinky email.  It would have allowed me to focus on what was important for my day, for my life, for my family, and for others.  It would have given me a clearer spirit and mind to handle what I was going to read.  So I got this for you today...

Serving my flesh will only serve my feelings and that will serve nothing but deceit.  God has a bigger plan for my life than how I feel about something.  When I take the time to align my thoughts with God's thoughts, I am in a much better place to serve others.

So here's to taking the time to align ourselves with God and to not serve our feelings and flesh.  Those two things will take us to really bad places.

Had I opened my Bible, written down my prayers and requests to God, and opened the book I was reading, I would have found this first...

You have to trust the favor of God to do for you what you cannot do for yourself.

-Mark Batterson

The Circle Maker  p106 

 

Reading that first would have changed my entire outlook of a little email.  I have God's favor to do what I cannot do myself.  WORD!

PS-For those of you concerned of my no good terrible rotten news.  It really wasn't that bad once I put it in perspective, but it sure did teach me a lesson!